Tag Archive | life

Pondering Life and Death ……………

My brother’s wife passed away last Thursday, but to me she wasn’t an ‘in-law’ but always considered my sister!

Briefly, she had an neurological disorder with a very long name, but basically it was a very rare disorder of an unknown origin. The disease progressed very slowly, to the point where her nerve endings were dead. Even so, for many years she could walk and talk; she just couldn’t feel her arms. legs,  and other areas like her face and her fingertips etc. As the doctor explained; as long as possible if she continued to make sure and exercise on a stationary bike etc; the brain would remember how to walk etc. She did so for years, but this spring my brother became unable to care for her, as her abilities had finally diminished and she had to be placed in a long term home.

She had been able to go home for the day last Monday, to celebrate our Canadian Thanksgiving with her family.

On Wednesday she became very ill with multiple issues, but basically her body was just shutting down. Because of the rarity of her disease, she had decided to donate her body with the hope that something could be learned about her condition, and help someone else in the future.

I mention a little about her because whenever there is death of someone close to us, we do tend to think of the subject. I don’t take credit for this thought that I read at some point or heard, but I like it.

When we are a baby in our mother’s womb, we are nourished with food, warmth, comfort and security. We believe this is what life is; there is no knowledge of what lies ahead. Then we are born into this world, and life changes. Usually we are cared for as infants, and the years following; but it is very different than when we were as yet unborn.

As a Christian therefore, it is not difficult to believe that the world we live in now, with all the challenges and joys of everyday life, is not all there is either. We are promised that when our lives on earth have or will come to an end of life as we know it, there is yet one more to come. That is eternity with God, when we believe. While I have heard much about what Heaven is like, with no sorrow, pain illness………….only joy, I won’t really know until that time comes for me.

My mind has just reverted back unexpectedly to a time over 40 years ago, when I had a very vivid ‘dream’ that felt much more. I had been going through a time of depression, but was starting to feel somewhat better; and I had this wonderful sense of being enveloped in a warmth , with an array of colours that seemed to be such as I’d never seen before. While in this “dream”…. I felt so loved, protected and just full of joy that I didn’t want to wake up, but I also wondered if somehow my husband could feel the same… so I was hoping when I did wake up, this would happen. Of course it didn’t, but I wondered if I could or should try to explain it at all to him and maybe our children.  So when I took our my Bible, I asked God  to let me know. I wasn’t in the habit of opening my Bible at random for some special message, but this time I did. The first words that I read were ‘tell the people’. So I did!

I guess this was to me, a little glimpse into heaven.

The Bible also talks about Hell…. I guess I don’t know what that entails totally. It has been described in many ways. My feeling about it is, that for the most part it means an eternity without the presence of God, or joy, peace, love or security. If there is no God, then there is no heaven or hell. We will not be reunited with other loved ones, and this life we live now is all there is.

But I guess you know that I don’t believe that. I believe that there is that world within the womb, the life here on earth, and an eternity thereafter!

Kind of some deep thoughts in this post, but they evolved this week with the passing of my ‘sister’!  

Sometimes Answers Just Don’t Come

For quite a while now I’ve been trying to find answers to questions relating to health issues but sometimes the answers just don’t come.

While I realize many ills come with age, the hope is that we can somehow find out the cause and just feel as good as we can. When I was diagnosed many years ago with Multiple Sclerosis, it was after two or more years of feeling unwell but basically after some blood tests and maybe an xray, I was advised that nothing physical was wrong. I was offered an increase in an antidepressant that I was taking at that time for depression. I remember how I felt as though I was a hypochondriac, and yet deep inside I knew that something was amiss. Well to make a long story short, I ended up in emergency one day; saw an internist and was sent to a neurologist who after testing learned I had M.S.

I have not been severely debilitated by M.S. through these years, but the last couple of years have just had one issue after another. I’ve had so many tests it’s a wonder I don’t glow in the dark or have any blood left. I’ve been to my general practitioner, gastrologist, otolaryngologist, neurologist, dermatologist, cardiologist, respirologist, neuro-surgeon; had blood tests, xrays, ct scans, MRI, bone density, bone scan..

I have some answers; but some with no solution, such as severe dysmotility… which basically means when I eat I have to be very careful as food does not move as it should down the esophagus…. causing issues which I will not go into. There is nothing that can be done about this, as it’s basically the muscles that are just damaged.

One answer I do have is that there is spinal stenosis in my lower back, and will have surgery to help alleviate the pain.

There are other issues which I won’t delve into; one however is a breathing issue for which there seems to be no answer. That’s the one that is giving me the ‘I feel like a hypochondriac again’ thoughts. But I’ve decided to just accept that I’ve pretty well exhausted all the options, and I will just live with it.

Sometimes I guess we just have to accept that the answer is just not going to come !

(Thanks for listening to my rambling/grumbling).



I have been so moved by all that those dealing with the hurricanes, and also of course the recent earthquakes, I just wrote an expression of what I’m feeling in the form of a poem.  My poems are random, meaning that they do not have a proper form or even rhythm necessarily, but it’s one way that I choose to write my thoughts…..


The sun was shining bright

The clouds appearing white

Rain could not be seen

It was, as it had always been.

And then the news came

Life would never be the same

The hurricanes would be

The wrath of wind and sea.

They must seek shelter from the storm

And people needed to be informed,

Saving lives would be the test

Homes, belongings, all the rest,

Brave souls worked day and night

To save all who were in sight.

So many huddled inside

Any place where they could to hide.

The fury finally passed

They could go outside at last.

What was seen when they emerged

Was that their lives had been purged

From all that they had known

All that they had owned .

Where will these people go

Can we help some way to show

Can those able give some aid

So their trauma might somehow fade….

To help rebuild their lives

And for them to just survive

To return to all they cherish…..

Because without this hope to cling to

Instead the ‘people simply perish”


Photo Credit



Feeling Our Age….

Lately it seems I’ve had conversations with a few women around my age, and when speaking of a few of our issues we invariably talk about the fact we’re getting older.

We’re all in our 70’s, and it occurred to us that 80 wasn’t very old after all. We agreed that the older we get, the faster the years go, though we weren’t sure why. One thought was that it was kind of like this summer seemingly going so fast. We felt that since the weather wasn’t that good, because of quite a bit of rain and cooler weather, that we were kind of still waiting for summer. Then of course the realization it is September, and so summer is coming to an end. Maybe we feel a bit downcast, as we know what lays ahead in the manner of cold and wintery weather.

We kind of related some of those thoughts, when we realized that we are in our senior years and wondering how life now seems like it went so fast. Of course it’s only the perception, because time passes equally no matter what age we are.

While we aren’t afraid of what the future holds, none the less had to admit that we were feeling our ‘mortality’. I suppose there are many times in our lives we wonder what is ahead for us; but maybe we don’t just have the same amount of time to think about it as we now do, being seniors and having for the most part, a lot of time to ‘think’!

Anyway, ‘whatever will be, will be’ as the saying goes, and it will be taken one day/week/year at a time, with God’s help!


Thinking of You

I’ve been watching the news lately and how challenged… the people who live in the USA are, and I’ve been thinking of you..

Many of my friends in the blogging community live there, and my heart goes out to you. Of course right now there is the devastating hurricane in Texas. So many lives put in jeopardy, and the losses are so great. It seems surreal at times, because we usually expect a catastrophe of this magnitude, to be ‘over’ in a day or so. When I say over, I mean the immediate threat. There is then of course the remnants of it to take awhile, but in this case it is seemingly going to go on for days and weeks to come.

My heart breaks when I see the faces and the shock and disbelief that are so evident in so many. I see people leaving their homes and most, if not all of their possessions …. arm in arm, and often with their beloved pets. We know of course that material belongings are not the important factor, when our lives are at risk. Never the less, some of those ‘things’ are part of us… part of who we are, and while I’m sure we all agree that saving lives is the primary goal, it saddens us that our home will not be the same again.

The reaching out from those desperately trying to help though, warms the heart and spirit.

I realize from the news there are political issues and challenges ongoing too, but it is evident that the  people of the United States of America are strong, and will persevere in all that they face. ‘United’ being the key word.

So from a friend from Canada, I just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you, and that I know there is no kind of adversity you cannot overcome……. 




Thankfulness Mondays – The Other Half of the Coming Move

Well, I can’t believe it’s week 40 of (52)  posting with Bernadette of Haddon Musings, and others, for things we are thankful for in our lives, to offset negative things that happen around us.

Today I am very thankful, that our house sold last week. We were prepared that it might take a while to sell, and that the first offer would most likely be quite a bit less than we were asking. We also thought about the fact, that when we previously sold, often the buyers would have conditions on their offer such as financing, or possibly having a house themselves to sell.

As I have previously written about, we have moved an unbelievable 13 times, for various reasons. Some of the moves when our children were in school, we kept in the same area so they wouldn’t have to change schools.

Anyway, we had all of these thoughts, and our agent came to present the offer. My husband and I had  agreed on what we would accept. The first thing she told us, was that it was almost a perfect offer. And of course we wondered what she meant.

She told us the details; which were that the buyers offered $900 less that we asked, BUT everything else was perfect. There was no financing to arrange for them, no inspection, and they wanted the same possession date that we did. There were no extra requests from them, except they asked to be able to come and see our home two more times before we moved. Our agent said, it would be done through her though, and we would be asked when it would be convenient.

I had felt a peace when we had taken a chance to sign the lease for the apartment ‘before’ we sold, even though we had unnecessary concerns about how the sale of our home would go.

So today, I am very thankful that the sale of our home, went so smoothly. (Now, to just get the packing done!)

Couple of pictures of the apartment; our new home



Living Room walk-out to balcony


One of two Bedrooms


Thankfulness Mondays – Just Pondering

Week 39 of (52) along with Bernadette of Haddon Musings and others, posting of things to be thankful for in our lives, whether they are small or great significance.

Today I’m just thinking of our children; our two sons and one daughter.  From the time they are born, you realize what an important role you will have, in helping to guide them into being the best they can be. You hope to instill in them morals, values, faith in God, responsibility, kindness, love…. and just so much more.

You wonder how you will do this and if it is really possible. Then you just start living day by day, issue by issue, challenge by challenge, whether they are 3 or 10 or 15 years of age. The difficulties that arise each stage of life, whether at school or at home you try to help the best that you can, to guide them.

Now, we can look at our children in their 40’s and 50’s,  and who they have become, and can  say that our hopes dreams and prayers for them, have come to be.

We can see that they are happy, and I am full of thankfulness for that, especially to God, and have such a sense of peace and joy within.