Tag Archive | illness

Thankfulness Mondays – Really Tired But Thankful!

Week 44  (of 52) posting of things to be thankful for, with Bernadette of Haddon Musings and others to hopefully encourage others and to offset the many negative areas of our life.

Today I’m thankful that we move in two days, and that my sister is recovering, though still quite ill, from double pneumonia. She’s older than I am, and went into the hospital last week very weak and ill. Her BP, heart rate and oxygen rate we very low. She was in ICU until today and they were moving her to a regular room.

The news that while the doctor is pleased  she is recovering, on examination he found that her COPD is now severe, and she also has emphysema and congenitive heart failure. She has been quite tired for some time now, but seemingly this went undiagnosed until she became so ill.

The positive aspect is that she will now be followed by two specialists, and receive some help with homecare, housework, and a few days of meals on wheels. This will allow her to live in her own home as long as possible

We’re moving in two days, but I wanted to go to see her for a couple of days, to know that she was okay. It’s been a tough couple of weeks packing etc; but there’s an end in site, and my sister is out of immediate danger.

Once I get settled I’ll of course go and see spend some time with her.!

Note that I won’t have internet when we move on Tuesday for a week or so, therefore won’t be able to read any blogs or comment or post.  I’ll have to try and catch up on at least some when I’m back online.

Taken last July 2016


From ‘Aunt Diane’

I have written a letter in the form of a poem, to my niece ‘A’. She is just 52 and is battling cancer for the third time. This time it does not seem, except for a miracle that she will overcome this latest battle. She has had much to bear in her life, having had a child who passed from a ‘crib’ death, and another born blind and deaf and severely disabled who lived until he was 11, but who was only supposed to live for 5 years or less. He was her joy!

One asks why so much for one person to handle in life? Even as a Christian we are not immune to asking those questions. And yet we know, that it is not God that wills this for her, but only that Christians are not exempt from trials and sorrows, but that we go through them with His help.

We will be seeing her in a week or so, as she and her husband decided that too many visitors on a continual basis was too much for her; too fatiguing… so have set aside a couple of days when anyone can visit her.  I was thinking of her tonight and wrote this to her! For those who believe in prayer, please do!

Dear ‘A’,

There are no words, to adequately say

What my heart is feeling today.

Can I know what’s in your mind and heart?

Can I get a glimpse and be a part?

For all who know and love you so

We feel so helpless and want to bestow

Some comfort, and yet we cannot share

The trials you’ve had so much to bear.

Your smile and spirit is ever present

Your perseverance is always evident.

You ask not for pity, I know that of you

Instead of pity, this is what I will do.

Just tell you, I love you and if it could be

Instead of you, it would be ‘me’

Truly I tell you, I would gladly exchange….

Places with you; if I could only arrange

I say this not glibly, I honestly feel

That if I could do that, I would get down and kneel

And ask God if possible, please let it be,

To take all that you bear, and please let it be me

You surely must know how much we all care

And that is because of all ‘you’ have shared


So wrap yourself, in our love and our prayers!

Love Aunt Diane xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


A Little Follow-up


Not the best picture ever!

Not the best picture ever!

I wrote a few days ago about getting sick and the episode of having chicken soup so I thought I’d give a follow-up with this past week.

As it turns out; on Wednesday last week I started to feel unwell; by Thursday night it has escalated and I was having trouble breathing. When Friday came, I went to the doctor and was told I had pneumonia, and was given some antibiotics. This was my third time this winter with pneumonia, and I have had the vaccination for pneumonia, but as the doctor said, it only is one strain that is put in vaccines and there are multiple ones.

I went home with the medication sure that it would do the job quickly, and I could still have the procedure tomorrow. Unfortunately they didn’t, and I had to go back to the doctor this past Tuesday, and as I knew I was worse instead of better. So I am on an increase in dosage, plus a steroid and puffers, and need to go back on Monday.

Of course I had to contact the doctor doing the procedure and advise them, which was a feat in itself, but I finally got through to an ‘actual live person’, to cancel and explain. I amazingly got another appointment for next Thursday as she had a cancellation. When I talked to her I was pretty frustrated at all that has occurred, and I took a few minutes to express the fact that it has taken so long, and I wondered why the doctor (surgeon) doing it, was not going to correct the problem, but just ‘look at it’. She agreed and said it didn’t make sense and was sure they would do it at the same time. I think that she may even let the doctor know of my concerns.

Okay, one revelation that came to me about prayer. There are many opinions on prayer; one being that prayers are not answered, one is that God already knows the outcome so why pray, and some just don’t believe at all in prayer, except when a traumatic situation happens in their life, or they just don’t believe in prayer at all. I have been so blessed to have many people praying for me, so one might say (as I did), why have I now got pneumonia, and have to cancel an appointment that has been booked for weeks…. “Why God”?

Today I was once more reminded that when we pray, we pray for what we think is best but don’t allow that something negative should then happen, and the answer will not be as we think it should.

The fact that I had felt many reservations about having this procedure done (in the esophagus area), because I really felt upset that the surgeon told me they wouldn’t do the complete process, until they did another test; and I’m thinking why, if they go and see that what they told me was the problem…. ‘was’, then why wouldn’t they fix it there and then. I know, we have to trust them but sometimes their answers just don’t make sense.

So, by this being delayed, because of illness, at least I got to voice my concern and maybe it will make a difference. Did God give me this pneumonia; of course not, but He used it for a good purpose.

It occurred to me, that what I saw as the process and urgency to just get this done and over with, with reservations, it was ultimately an answer to the many prayers that have been lifted up on my behalf, whereby it was delayed.

Thanks for indulging me, but I just wanted to share and give an update, and thank you for prayers given on my behalf.

p.s. I just realize the title is a misnomer especially the word ‘little’… sorry ’bout that!

Christmas Day in the Emergency Department

 One thing unplanned on Christmas Day, was a few hours in the Emergency department.

Shortly after waking up from an unsettled night, I was sitting in my ‘beloved recliner’, and I notice the there is a feeling of gentle but obvious pressure around and underneath my right ear. I didn’t feel ill at all, but after touching the area, it is obvious there is a swelling. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but after an hour of this enlarging, I decide I should do something. We were supposed to go for dinner with our son and his wife and her mom and dad. We were planning on being there at 2 pm so  that we could have a short visit with some of our grandchildren, before they left to go elsewhere for dinner.

I decided to phone the tele-nurse, created by the Ontario government to see what they thought, in the hope that they could advise me, thereby bypassing the need to go to the Emergency department. I didn’t know whether the swelling was possibly ‘mumps’ because if there was a chance it was, or something else contagious, I would not want to pass it on to anyone else. There was also another possibility that had happened over a year ago. Anyway, I needed to find out.  Unfortunately after answering multiple questions, she told me to go and check with the hospital. So off we went about 10:30 am!

When we arrived, we knew we were likely in for a wait, because the emergency department was packed. After registering, and an x-ray, we waited to see the one doctor that was on duty. It turned out to be comical in the sense that we all waited with bated breath to see when our name might be called…. kind of like winning the lottery…. only not for a monetary win, but to have a diagnosis, so we could perhaps just go home. There were several people with injuries of various kinds, a lot of people with flu, some children who were unwell, and various other illnesses. It was so busy of course because being Christmas Day, all walk-in clinics were closed. It was funny to look around as we wondered if the person we were looking at was one that was there before us, or would we be before them. Some were wearing masks because they were coughing, so all you saw were their eyes staring back at you, wondering the same thing you were.

At one point a policeman came in with a small bag of toys, to give to any children that were there. The little ones were given priority of course, and seen out of order. Everyone understood that!

Anyway after about 3 hours, I won the lottery when the doctor returned from taking a break for some reason, for about a half an hour. She needed one of course, as people just kept filling the waiting room. Everyone sat thinking the same thing, but not verbalizing it; like the proverbial white elephant in the room…”when will she get back”? We sat watching the television. minus the sound and waited.

My name was called finally, when the doctor returned, and she told me that it was an issue with my salivary gland only, and not anything contagious, and that she was going to arrange an ultrasound, and call when this was done, but I could go home.

Without prolonging this already too long post, we went home, let out our dog, picked up the pies we were taking and went off to have our turkey Christmas dinner. Unfortunately we didn’t make it in time to see the grandchildren, but spoke to most of them on the phone.

So while there were certainly some unexpected aspects, we were still able to celebrate on this very special ‘Christmas Day’ !




A Tough Subject-Assisted Suicide

See note at bottom of post….

I’ve read a few times recently in the blogging sphere and in the news, of those wishing to die by assisted suicide. This is a really tough and controversial subject, but I decided to weigh in on it. This is MY opinion only!

I’m going to write about this outside of my Christian belief, because while I feel that is a valid consideration, that is not what our laws are based on, in this decision.

There are many people with diseases and conditions that are not curable, and are very debilitating. Some of those afflicted wish that assisted suicide was a choice, and would like the laws changed to reflect their wishes.

In our society as it is now, while assisted suicide is not the law. there are situations that occur in which a patient is in extreme duress relating to pain and suffering, that the doctors are within their protocol to not prolong the suffering of a person, in that there are no life saving resuscitation methods or machines used to keep that person alive. In most of these instances pain medication is used to alleviate the distress as much as possible. At least that is my understanding and experiences that I am aware of.

While I do understand that there are those that do not fall into that category, and are just not wanting to keep living with their debilitating condition, I’m going to express my feelings why this would be difficult to regulate.

To me, the most significant reason is that it would be such a ‘relative and arbitrary’ decision for a group of people; medical, psychological, legal and moral… to sit and ‘judge’ whether or not to apply this to an individual. What are they to use as their basis. The disease, the perceived progression of it, the symptoms and condition, or just the fact that the person has decided they don’t want to live anymore? What then if it’s not a medical condition but a mental or psychological issue that the person has? Where is the line drawn?

Photo Credit stockvault.net photos

Photo Credit
stockvault.net photos

If a law were to be made to allow a person to make this decision, what then if the family of that person objects? What then if a family decides FOR the person with a lengthy illness…. for example someone in a coma, or an elderly person who the family thinks that their loved one would want it, or THEY want it? What then if our society decides that someone who is in a vegetative state, or is very old and bed-ridden and is using up Medicare costs? It’s not such a stretch…..

Where and who and how will it progress from one law, to allow assisted suicide for those who feel they have that right?

It will be said of course that I don’t have an illness that is such that I want to end my life. Incidentally I do have M.S. but am not severely debilitated by it.  I will say though, that in my lifetime I did want to die, and in my depression if such a law had existed, even though my Christian belief is that only God should have that decision, I ‘might’ have still done it. The reason I maybe would have is that all I could see is darkness and sadness and I would not have been making a rational or conscious decision. Being free from depression many years now, I can see that so much would have been changed if I had done so; in my family and friends’ and my life. So there will be many, and maybe some who read this that say…. that is not their situation. Their situation is different and they want to be able to decide and that they are of sound mind.

All I can say is, that while I sympathize greatly for them, it would be such a ‘slippery slope’ if such a law was made, and how far does that slope extend?… ‘in MY opinion!

NOTE:  I’m sorry if this showed up twice in your notifications… I had thought I would take this down for a couple of reasons… so I put it back into ‘draft’ but I found out it still showed up only unable to comment…. So I thought I might as well put it back on… I’ve not done this before and so didn’t think about the fact you may get it twice.. Sorry for confusion… Diane


There are Things that are Not Possible

While I like to believe that all things are possible, there are some that are not. We all have times in our lives where we may do or say something we regret, or something happens that we so wish hadn’t. Those are the things that cannot be undone.

If I could have one time to live over again it would be this last year. It was one year ago that I was recuperating in the hospital after taking an overdose of a medication in error, and my breathing and heart stopped and during CPR ribs were fractured.  That was not the thing that was the most traumatic.

It was what happened because of my illness, that has caused the heartache, tears and recriminations for the days, weeks and months following. Because of actions taken during this time, our relationship with one member of our family was critically affected. There was no communication for months and then periodic emails and then occasional phone calls. At this point while there are times we talk, it is still strained and not as it was or should be.

We can’t go back; we can’t undo what was done. I still have times where I take so much of the blame because if I hadn’t been so distraught I wouldn’t have made the mistake and taken too much of the medication. Why is it so hard to let go of these thoughts. I think I’ve put it away and that it’s over and done with and we can’t do it over, only to pop up again in my mind as today when I think about a year ago, and being in the hospital.

Lives are changed sometimes forever because of one incident, one word, one action and right now I am just so angry about it, so saddened by it. I know that I have to let it go…. I thought actually that I had but right now I am just having a difficult time.

I know that wisdom is knowing the things that can and cannot be changed and we should accept those that cannot be. Wisdom sometimes fails me I guess, and feelings simply take over.

I will pray for that wisdom to come! ………………………. Diane




DP Weekly Writing Challenge – Part 1

J.A. on the day he was born

J.A. on the day he was born

Challenge: Tell a personal story, but withhold the unexpected ending. Publish the two posts whenever you’d like; on the same day, a day apart, or a week apart, depending on how tense you want to leave your readers.                           Note: (I’ll likely publish Part two soon).

I was so tired. Our firstborn was only 8 months old when I found out that we were expecting our second child. I was 20 years old and feeling like twice my age, at least. We hadn’t planned to have another baby this soon after our first, but sometimes things don’t happen exactly as we think.

J. our first son, thrived but he didn’t sleep well at all. He never slept through the night until he was at least 7 months old. So while he progressed very well and the doctor was pleased that he gained weight and he was well-adjusted and healthy, I was severely sleep-deprived. Having your sleep interrupted several times a night will do that.

In any case now we were to have a second, and while we wondered how we would manage we accepted all would be well and we just ‘would’. So on December 31 st, 1965 New Year’s Eve, J.A. came into the world. I had hoped maybe he would be the first baby of the new year but alas he made his entry at 10:30 pm.

J.A. also did not sleep well through the night either, and by the time he was a couple of months old,  I felt like I was in a daze. He seemed okay though health-wise, except I notice a lump in his groin one day, and made an appointment to see the doctor. He explained it was an inguinal hernia and that it just needed to be ‘watched’.

It didn’t help that our new son caught a cold when he was just 3 months old. Newborns were thought to have some immunity for the first few months, but J.A.  didn’t seem to. The cold remained just that, for a week or so, but then a cough developed. We took him to the doctor and got some medication for him, but unfortunately the cough continued. It not only continued but progressed and became quite bad. In fact it turned out to be whooping cough.

When I changed his diaper one day, I noticed that the lump in his groin was enlarged.  I made a call to the pediatrician and he heard our baby coughing in the background, and told us to bring him in that night to his office that he had in his home. He always had his daytime office hours at his clinic in the city, but then he had office hours at his home in the evening for those who couldn’t come during the day.

We quickly made plans to take him in to see the doctor that night, and arrived around 7 pm. When he examined him, we could tell he was very concerned. He told us to take him right away to Sick Children’s Hospital. We asked if it was okay to drop off J. at my sister’s for her to look after him while we took J.A. to the hospital. He said ‘No’!……  to be continued