Tag Archive | grieving

Thankfulness Mondays – “In Spite Of”

Week 50 (of 52).  I’ve been blogging with Bernadette of Haddon Musings, and several others of things in our lives or of things around us, that we are thankful for, and that perhaps offset negative situations around us and in the world.

Before I go any further, my thoughts and many others go out to Bernadette, who has of late had a great sadness and while she is I know and has been very grateful and thankful in abundance, is now experiencing one of those times that we most likely all will or have faced in our lifetime; a time of grieving. Her son is and has been not well for many years, but the family now faces the fact that they will likely lose him very soon. She has therefore taken a hiatus from blogging for a time. My heart goes out to her, but I so appreciate even the fact that she has over this past ‘almost year’ given me pause to appreciate the blessings in my life. May she find the peace, healing and strength that she needs in the days ahead.

Like Bernadette, there are many who are struggling with one area or another.  The people who of late, are being terrorized in U.K; Afghanistan, France, Syria and so many other places; one would think have very little to be thankful for.

When one sees and hears of their strength of perseverance, the heroism of many, and their determination to not give into fear and hate, in spite of’ the atrocities that are happening to them.  I am so thankful when I hear that their spirits, while very wounded, their physical well-beings are challenged, and the sanctity of life is being so disrespected; the vast majority of people do not want to give up; do not want this violence to control or consume their lives.

One doesn’t just have to look at the present but the past also. How it might be the easier route to just throw up your hands, and in fact just give up on the human race.

But we don’t and we can’t, just as in our personal lives we must persevere with what we face in life. Sometimes, we do need a time of quietness of mind and spirit, or in the case of a personal loss to grieve and to heal.

But as nations and people, we must try not to let the trying and even tumultuous events that befall us ‘defeat us or define us’, and when I look around the world today, the spirit of ‘man/woman’ wages on and we are not defeated!

 

 

Thankfulness Mondays – She Is My Sister – Poem

I’m again posting each week on ‘Thankfulness Mondays’, along with Bernadette of Haddon Musings with the intention of just writing of all things we have to be grateful for in our lives with hope that it will offset the negative aspects present today.

I’ve been busy the last two weeks; partly because of visits, one of which was with my sister ‘M’. She’s leaving today to go home. She lost her husband just over a year ago, but is still grieving the loss.  Each person of course has to use whatever time they need to mourn the loss of a loved one, and we have been trying to spend as much time as we can together. I am very grateful to have her in my life!

I’m posting a poem I wrote in 2012 about her. Her husband had a stroke in 2011 and she cared for him since that time and until his death, and so the poem reflects that time.

She is an inspiration

To all who know her

Selfless and giving

To so many

Her heart so full of love

No boundaries she knows

Her body sometimes wearies

But her spirit wages on

There is no time to dwell on her own needs

Only to others’

When will there be those moments

To reflect upon her life

To see her beauty as loved ones do

And their concern

She withstands so much and yet

It remains a mystery to her

It comes so naturally she doesn’t see

Her true worth in our eyes

She is so beautiful in spirit

and in her very soul

 

She is MY Sister

With Love

From Diane xoxoxo (2012)

Taken this July 2016

Taken this July 2016

 

 

 

 

 

 

Allow Me My Grief – Poem

I wrote this for some dear friends that are going through the grieving process, and while they long for that time when healing has taken place, it has not fully come yet. This is a poem to perhaps express some of what they are feeling…. at least it’s my perception. Diane

Allow Me My Grief

I know that you’re aware

That grief lives alongside me

I’ve not yet let it go

Because I’m just not ready

 

God doesn’t have a watch

That He constantly looks at

He knows that I’m still hurting

There is no ‘timing stat’

 

The one I loved, was such a part

Of everything I did

There is therefore someone missing

Please don’t ask me to forbid

 

Don’t forbid me the memories

Don’t forbid my tears that flow

Don’t forbid the sadness in me

That is there, where ‘ere I go

 

I know that you perhaps don’t know

That sadness holds no time

If so, I would set my clock

And from my grief, I’d climb

 

So know that here within me

I long to know that day

When sadness from me withers

And healing joy within will stay

 

For now allow me all the time

Don’t take my grief away

Just know that when I’m ready

It no more with me will stay.

 

I know that you don’t like to see

The sadness that is within

It’s hard for you to understand

But one day, joy will win.

Who’s To Say ???

A friend of mine lost her husband 5 months ago. She is having a really difficult time with the grief she is still experiencing.

There are those who have told her she is taking too long grieving… that she is wallowing in it. It occurred to me that this doesn’t just happen when someone we love dies, but also at other times, but to address the grieving process, lets ask ourselves; ‘who’s to say’ what the correct or appropriate amount of time is, to allow ourselves or others time to grieve?

As far as I’m concerned there is no specific allotted time. I would think that there are so many things to consider, and in my friend’s particular case, she lost her husband of 43 years. She lost her confidant, her lover, her support, her feeling of well-being. She lost the laughter they shared, the conversations about everything and anything, the music and shows they enjoyed, the memories of past times they would talk about, the sharing of joy when children and grandchildren would visit. What about the date nights and what about the times when one or both of them felt discouraged or broken, and the other one would lift them up? What about someone to help them with the household and property chores?

When you lose your spouse or partner in life, you don’t just lose a ‘body’, you lose a lifetime of sharing the joys and sorrows of life. You lose the person who actually has become part of you and you of them. You lose therefore part of yourself!

Of course losing others whom you love, whether it be brother, sister, friend, parent etc. is very difficult and grieving must take its’ course.

The same concept is found in perhaps a person who is going through depression or another form of mental illness and is relevant I believe also. How many times does the person feel as though others are thinking they should ‘hurry up and get well’?  They feel as though they must not take too long, as it is bothersome to their family or friends.

So how long is too long? There is no definitive answer I believe.  My thoughts are, that those who are concerned about the grieving process of a loved one, should certainly try to help, pray for, and encourage and support in whatever way they can, and just ‘be there’ for them, and that in doing so it will help to alleviate some of the feelings of loss that the person is feeling. Nothing I don’t think will take away all the pain, but it can help.

Having said all of this, just don’t pressure someone into fitting into your schedule, of when you think it’s time to stop.

Just support and love them through whatever time it takes.

 

Tears, I’m Not Sure Why?

We’ve been away today and only home a couple of hours and I’ve been just sitting here praying like I normally do, but all of a sudden I find myself, crying.

I’ve been thinking about Father’s Day and all that entails and it suddenly comes to me at age 66, how much I still missed not having my father in my life. Many, many Father’s Days have come and gone with not a lot of emotion and certainly not what I am experiencing right now. When I was in the throes of depression I often reflected on the lack of having a nurturing and caring father, but in many years I have not been affected like I am tonight. I’m thinking of all that was missed not only by me, but my siblings who while he was in their life, did not really have one either…at least not one who they could count on for support or for receiving affection from.

The thing is, I don’t hate him. I was never taught to hate him. My mother never downgraded him to me and I think it was because she loved him regardless of ‘himself’. She was in a nursing home at the time we learned after the fact, that he had died. My mother at this time in her life had lost the ability to communicate, but when my older sister told her that ‘Charlie’ had passed away, there came tears in her eyes. And it was then we knew that she still loved him.

I said to the Lord tonight that just maybe somehow he accepted Christ and will be in heaven when I get there and we can have the relationship we never got to have on earth.

My husband had a good example of how to be a father from his Dad. He was the sweetest man who ever lived, and was a father to me in many respects, but it doesn’t change the fact that tonight I am ‘grieving’ the father that I never had!