Tag Archive | Christian

Too Many…. Too Soon

Years ago….many years ago when growing up, I didn’t know anyone except when I was about 16 my mother’s sister who had colon cancer.

However, in my lifetime now I have seen so many relatives, friends and acquaintances succumb to cancer. Five of my siblings have passed away from various forms of it. They weren’t too young; I guess one of my sisters was 63;  but she was able to have a family, and enjoy many good years.

My husband’s mother passed away when she was also 63.

I think now that most of us have had similar experiences. I suppose that with the latest news that another nephew has been diagnosed, has just made me realize the many losses. He had his first routine colonoscopy, and they found a tumour. He is just 50 years old. Hopefully, they got all of it, when they operated. We’ll know soon.

I’m sorry if this sounds like a ‘downer’ post; but I just write sometimes what I’m feeling.

As Christians we can’t expect to be exempt from the heartache of this disease. or others… Matthew 5: 45 ( That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust”.

Each year we hope and pray that some new drug will come along, and be a cure rather than the sometimes harsh treatment that many go through now.

Cancer is of course not the only disease that robs us of our loved ones.

It matters not really what takes them from us… but ‘too many are taken too soon’ !

Thankfulness Mondays – A Kind Word

I’m participating in a theme of Bernadette of ‘Haddon Musings’, acknowledging things small and not so small for which I have to be thankful for. It is to try to offset negative thoughts and actions going on in the world today… with the thought that we really can appreciate our many blessings.

Today, I am reminded how a kind word can make one feel uplifted and encouraged. Sometimes we feel that we are past the point in our lives where we really contribute much. We live our lives often remembering those years when we worked, and where we felt that the job we did, somehow made a difference in the world. We perhaps raised a family, and dedicated ourselves to helping our children become a productive part of society.

Maybe we just felt our ‘worth’ more during those days… at least our worth in the eyes of those around us. My real worth of course is realized in knowing that God accepts me no matter what I accomplish in life. I’m a senior now, but I guess age doesn’t really matter. We all need to think that we are special in some way… that we matter.

This morning I read the scripture, in our church. After the service was over, a few people told me how much they liked when I read, and two even asked if I had been a teacher.

Those few words, lifted my spirit. It was perhaps to some a small thing, but to me it made me feel ‘special’.

We all have the power to make a difference during our daily lives, to make someone else feel that what they do is important. Just think of the number of people we meet every day, who perhaps need a word of encouragement from someone, and the difference we could make in their life.

Maybe today or tomorrow will be your chance to give a ‘kind word’!

IMG_2558-002I’m adding a recent painting I did … some know I do amateur paintings, and occasionally just add to a post.

Do You Really Know Me?

Do you really know me? I would like to ask that of people who have ‘known’ me for many years, and even a much shorter time.

If it’s only a while, you may know me better that those will a much longer acquaintance.

How much do we really let others know what’s inside of us? Speaking for myself, some moments I wear my heart on my sleeve. Then, there are those times, when I don’t let others see what is within, because they may not understand or may reject the importance of my thoughts, and even me.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t really take rejection all that well. I do know that as a Christian I should not depend on others’ approval or acceptance, but trust in God. I believe that there are those deep-routed emotions that often stem from our very early years, and they surface from time to time. If we’re wise we don’t dwell on them, but sometimes wisdom eludes us.

There are those who really ‘should’ (there’s that word should again) if they really thought about it, know me… but often I am amazed at the fact they don’t. For if they did, I would know it by their actions and their words.

So, do you think others really know you?

Dear Depression

Day 13 of Blogging 101 is to pick a blogging event from the Community Event Listings, and participate in the next round. I actually didn’t know about this aspect of WordPress. In any case I chose the topic of writing the topic of depression, found at ‘Dear Depression’.

Dear Depression,

You invaded my life and my family’s lives for far too many years. I didn’t invite you in, but you were like a thief in the night and before I knew what was even happening, you were just waiting! Early in our marriage you determined to look for a way to begin your lies and deceit. When we had our first child, you took a gift given to us and decided right then and there to grab hold of me. The fatigue that happens when parents are new, and the baby doesn’t sleep much, was your opportunity to strike, and you did. Many tears for longer than should have lasted, because it began a process of doubting my abilities as a mother, wife and a person.

Early on, you didn’t always stick around for too long at a time, and I would get a false sense of security, only to have it shattered time after time as you lurked in the shadows of my mind.

I fought you and pushed you aside whenever possible, but each time you appeared it was for longer and longer you stayed. There were so many doctors, psychiatrists, therapists, medications and hospital stays from time to time. And then one year I felt like I was losing the battle, and despaired of life itself. The world and my family would be better off without me, and so on a couple of occasions I thought perhaps I should do something to leave everyone in peace, and that I would also be free!

However, intervention took place that saved my life that year, though it was a great strain on everyone who loved me. For a number of years, while your presence was still felt from time to time I was able to function more than in the past. There were still doctors, and medications and to be quite honest I thought you would be present in my life forever.

Then I met a doctor who took care of my physical needs, who also asked me to participate in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and who was a Christian and also prayed for me. This doctor had so much patience and cared very much, and was able to take me from the past with all the years of clouded thoughts into the present, to challenge all the lies and doubts you had me believing all those years. And you know what happened don’t you? Within a matter of a couple of years with this doctor, and with God’s help, I was free from bondage.

So, you see you didn’t have the last laugh; I did… because there has been freedom now for many years, and you ‘depression’ don’t live here anymore.!!!

Note:  There is hope for anyone who suffers from mental illness and in this particular aspect, depression. I was able to still raise our family of three children, along with my husband and they said, that while I’m sure they knew from time to time, Mommy wasn’t feeling well, they said they never doubted that I loved them. They are of course all adults now with grown children of their own. And they all turned out pretty darn good… if I do say so myself!

 

 

 

The Last Letter to my Oldest Sister – Memories

 

'H' at 16 years of age.

‘H’ at 16 years of age.

Most that have followed me on a regular or semi-regular basis, know that I had 9 siblings; a large family. I was the youngest of the 10 of us, and my oldest sister was ‘H’. There were 25 years between us, so she could have been my mother, and in a sense when I was young she seemed more of a mother than sister.

‘H’ was one of two of my siblings that graduated from University; the other being my oldest brother; the second born child. She and my brother must have had a great desire to go as far as they could in school, but it was very difficult for them. In high school, they used to have to often take turns taking some days off school, to look after some of the younger siblings, in order that my mother could find some kind of work; cleaning houses or doing laundry for others. They also of course had to share books, because they couldn’t afford two sets. Our father called ‘Pop’ was unfortunately a gambler and an alcoholic and while he always worked as a barber, he squandered so much of the money he made, therefore making it harder on our mother and their children. I won’t go into the whole story, as I have written about it before.

This post, is just about ‘H’. While she could have been so many things like a teacher, she instead decided to devote her life after marriage to raising their 5 children, one adopted; and their successive grandchildren making herself available to each an every one, to care for when their parents had to work.

‘H’s husband got Parkinson’s and suffered deterioration for the last several years of his life. ‘H’ was the only one he truly responded to, and she cared for him until the last year when he had to go into a Vet hospital, where she would go and stay with him the whole day. She was not especially healthy during those last years, but willed herself well in order to care for him, until he passed away. After he did, her own health declined within a few months. The last time I visited her in the hospital before she died, as I gave her a kiss and I guess looking concerned, she smiled and said, “It’s okay dear, I’m not sick…. I’m just dying”. She of course was a devoted Christian and knew where she was going. She passed away in the next couple of days.

The reason she has come to mind, was that I am still finding letters etc. that I wrote different times in my life, and I came across this last letter I wrote to her about 5 months before she died, and it brought back memories. Here’s what I wrote to her.

Dear ‘H’,

There are so many things that I can think of, and yet over the years probably have never said to you. We try to buy cards that say exactly what we feel but somehow they never fully do.

You were the firstborn in our family and therefore have so much more insight what went on through the many years. Somehow you have taken more time than anyone else (in my humble opinion), to keep in touch with everyone that you possibly could. It wasn’t that you had more time than the rest of us, it’s just that you made time.

I think that I mentioned at some point in my “adult life” that I was a wee bit intimidated by you, because you seemed to have it all together . I can’t ever remember, (even though there may have been times) you losing your temper. Maybe you had a secret that the rest of us didn’t!  With the kind of things that I have encountered in my life at first I felt so down on myself. Often though, you were there, listening and saying comforting things to me. Sometimes I was too embarrassed to talk to people, but I soon learned that you didn’t dwell on the negative but instead, just spoke to me with no conditions and no judgemental attitudes.

Your family has grown and had a wonderful stability in their lives; your children and of course your grandchildren and even now great-grandchildren. There is a lot of wisdom that you gave, probably only if requested. I’m sure that you had to grow up fast as there were so many other children after you. Anyway dear, as Mother’s day approaches, I acknowledge you as one of the best!

Love Always!!!!

Diane xxxxx

 

 

 

A Little Follow-up

 

Not the best picture ever!

Not the best picture ever!

I wrote a few days ago about getting sick and the episode of having chicken soup so I thought I’d give a follow-up with this past week.

As it turns out; on Wednesday last week I started to feel unwell; by Thursday night it has escalated and I was having trouble breathing. When Friday came, I went to the doctor and was told I had pneumonia, and was given some antibiotics. This was my third time this winter with pneumonia, and I have had the vaccination for pneumonia, but as the doctor said, it only is one strain that is put in vaccines and there are multiple ones.

I went home with the medication sure that it would do the job quickly, and I could still have the procedure tomorrow. Unfortunately they didn’t, and I had to go back to the doctor this past Tuesday, and as I knew I was worse instead of better. So I am on an increase in dosage, plus a steroid and puffers, and need to go back on Monday.

Of course I had to contact the doctor doing the procedure and advise them, which was a feat in itself, but I finally got through to an ‘actual live person’, to cancel and explain. I amazingly got another appointment for next Thursday as she had a cancellation. When I talked to her I was pretty frustrated at all that has occurred, and I took a few minutes to express the fact that it has taken so long, and I wondered why the doctor (surgeon) doing it, was not going to correct the problem, but just ‘look at it’. She agreed and said it didn’t make sense and was sure they would do it at the same time. I think that she may even let the doctor know of my concerns.

Okay, one revelation that came to me about prayer. There are many opinions on prayer; one being that prayers are not answered, one is that God already knows the outcome so why pray, and some just don’t believe at all in prayer, except when a traumatic situation happens in their life, or they just don’t believe in prayer at all. I have been so blessed to have many people praying for me, so one might say (as I did), why have I now got pneumonia, and have to cancel an appointment that has been booked for weeks…. “Why God”?

Today I was once more reminded that when we pray, we pray for what we think is best but don’t allow that something negative should then happen, and the answer will not be as we think it should.

The fact that I had felt many reservations about having this procedure done (in the esophagus area), because I really felt upset that the surgeon told me they wouldn’t do the complete process, until they did another test; and I’m thinking why, if they go and see that what they told me was the problem…. ‘was’, then why wouldn’t they fix it there and then. I know, we have to trust them but sometimes their answers just don’t make sense.

So, by this being delayed, because of illness, at least I got to voice my concern and maybe it will make a difference. Did God give me this pneumonia; of course not, but He used it for a good purpose.

It occurred to me, that what I saw as the process and urgency to just get this done and over with, with reservations, it was ultimately an answer to the many prayers that have been lifted up on my behalf, whereby it was delayed.

Thanks for indulging me, but I just wanted to share and give an update, and thank you for prayers given on my behalf.

p.s. I just realize the title is a misnomer especially the word ‘little’… sorry ’bout that!

Philae Has Landed – Really?

CometPhilae has landed, so the news on television and in the papers recount for us. I’m not knowledgeable where they got the name from. I haven’t read an awful lot about it, but I don’t need to in order to voice my thoughts in general.

When I first heard the on the news about it, and that it was a real coup it seems that they were able to do it. To do what? To spend how many millions of dollars in order to learn more about comets. This apparently is highly regarded by scientists, and others who obviously have the resources to spend on studying a comet.

Led by ESA with a consortium of partners including NASA, scientists on the Rosetta comet-chasing mission hope to learn more about the composition of comets and how they interact with the solar wind: high energy particles blasted into space by the sun…. pardon????

As I understand what I have heard, is that this will help us learn the history of the solar system and how it was created, and the ultimate answer to the question “Are we alone?”

Scientists are very educated and important for us, of that there is no disputing. They use their knowledge for the betterment of mankind in researching various medications that are used to save many lives, and in a myriad of other inventions for the betterment of us all.

So why am I left wondering what are the justifications in my mind, and of course this is strictly my personal opinion; for spending millions of dollars in this endeavour, when there are so many needs in the world we occupy, that I feel justify money being spent on, instead of finding out more about a comet. As long as there is war and destruction, diseases without a cure, and hungry people in ‘our world’, I just can’t.

Speaking also as a Christian, I know already how the universe was created. But aside from that do most people whether Christian or not, feel that this is a necessary expenditure?

Maybe I’m in the minority…. maybe people find this an exciting venture and are wholly behind it. You are entitled to your beliefs.

I’m just expressing what I feel…. Diane

Post Script: I guess in my life, especially working for an organization for 13 years trying to help men, women and children throughout the world who struggle each day for survival, if I had a choice on whether to look at the face of a hungry child, and had to choose whether to feed that child, or give money to help further exploration of outer space, the child would win every time. Maybe that’s where I gain my perspective from…..