Sometimes Answers Just Don’t Come

For quite a while now I’ve been trying to find answers to questions relating to health issues but sometimes the answers just don’t come.

While I realize many ills come with age, the hope is that we can somehow find out the cause and just feel as good as we can. When I was diagnosed many years ago with Multiple Sclerosis, it was after two or more years of feeling unwell but basically after some blood tests and maybe an xray, I was advised that nothing physical was wrong. I was offered an increase in an antidepressant that I was taking at that time for depression. I remember how I felt as though I was a hypochondriac, and yet deep inside I knew that something was amiss. Well to make a long story short, I ended up in emergency one day; saw an internist and was sent to a neurologist who after testing learned I had M.S.

I have not been severely debilitated by M.S. through these years, but the last couple of years have just had one issue after another. I’ve had so many tests it’s a wonder I don’t glow in the dark or have any blood left. I’ve been to my general practitioner, gastrologist, otolaryngologist, neurologist, dermatologist, cardiologist, respirologist, neuro-surgeon; had blood tests, xrays, ct scans, MRI, bone density, bone scan..

I have some answers; but some with no solution, such as severe dysmotility… which basically means when I eat I have to be very careful as food does not move as it should down the esophagus…. causing issues which I will not go into. There is nothing that can be done about this, as it’s basically the muscles that are just damaged.

One answer I do have is that there is spinal stenosis in my lower back, and will have surgery to help alleviate the pain.

There are other issues which I won’t delve into; one however is a breathing issue for which there seems to be no answer. That’s the one that is giving me the ‘I feel like a hypochondriac again’ thoughts. But I’ve decided to just accept that I’ve pretty well exhausted all the options, and I will just live with it.

Sometimes I guess we just have to accept that the answer is just not going to come !

(Thanks for listening to my rambling/grumbling).


JUST A NOTE – Number ???

While many/most of you likely don’t even realize when I read posts or write them; as I am sure that you have many followers and blogs that you read; I am just sitting here trying to see if I can concentrate long enough to be active here on WordPress, and thought I’d write a note (again) .

I’ve alluded to not feeling my best, but feel so bad, when I can’t do what I want to do; can’t make my eyes focus clearly sometimes because of fatigue.  While I have M.S. I don’t think it’s that; could be part of it, but not all I don’t think. I’ve been through so many tests, I don’t think many can be left or specialists either. I have had one diagnosis of ‘severe spinal stenosis’ and will need to see a Neurosurgeon to see what options there are.

I’m also going to see my General Practitioner in a week or so; She wants to go over all the tests and symptoms etc; as she’s been on maternity leave, and has missed most of what’s been going on. I think that will be good, because then at least I’ll have an idea of where we go from here.

In the midst of this though, I’m not happy that I may miss some of what’s going on in your lives or posts. I think I’m repeating myself; and if so I apologize for doing so; but I’ll be trying to grab some moments when I can, to keep in touch.

There is such an awareness within me, that I am talking too much about ‘me’….. You’re my friends, and I just didn’t want you to think I didn’t care anymore!    (Diane )

Oh, for my Canadian friends Happy 150th Canada DayFor my American friends Happy Independence Day….


A Year ‘plus’ in Review

This past year ‘and more’ has been really tough. Yesterday I was just mentally trying to sort why I have been so discombobulated, and put it down to the issues over this period of time.

I haven’t been active much on my blog, on Facebook or even painting. My mind is just on overload I guess.

There has according to an estimate I quickly did of 80 plus appointments between my husband and I; some of which included procedures or surgery. There have been three deaths in the family, and the attempt to support my sister as one was her husband.

There is still this extreme fatigue which to this point has not resolved. It is believed to be the Multiple Sclerosis type, that I experienced prior to being diagnosed back in 1991, and while at times I have been tired it has not been like this until this past 6 months or so. I’ll see a neurologist the end of this month, hopeful that perhaps there will be some medication to alleviate it. While I function and am not physically severely debilitated, it is like going through a fog each day.

If I could relieve it by sleep I would, but unfortunately I can’t; but when I can, just close my eyes and rest my head. I do sleep at night but only because of some medication to help.

There is also one other issue with eating, as basically I have hardly any motility in my esophagus so food gets stuck. Again I will see a specialist but not for a few months as there is a wait.

I feel like my motivation and clarity of thought to do much of anything, is just a void right now. I want to write, but not always about my problems, so hence the lack of blogging right now.

I wish I could do the proverbial ‘snap out of it’. As most of you realize that is not the answer; it’s not as simple as that.

Having said all of that, I know many of you are going through issues of your own. I do think of my friends here in the blogging community, and will be striving to become more involved when I can.

I hope to squeeze in some posts when able to do so, hoping that it might be more a more enlightening subject than just ‘me’.

Take care…. Diane




A-Z Challenge ‘Inaccurate”

OOPS… .As you can see from what I wrote below, it is ‘I’naccurate’ as today’s letter is ‘I’ and not ‘H’… blame it on the headache…But it will have to do  (ha !!!!)

II was trying to think how I would write a blog tonight because I have a bad headache.. and then I became aware that the letter today was ‘H”.. hence my very short post!

I don’t often get headaches, but it’s been a busy few days and this week I need to do all the things that one does when getting ready to go away on a trip.

One of the issues health wise that I’ve been dealing with however, is just this great overwhelming fatigue that has been plaguing me for months. The doctor and I are both in agreement that it is likely from the Multiple Sclerosis. Some of you may know that while I have M.S. it is not seriously debilitating to me. I can walk, though my balance is off, and my legs feel like lead and I have some cognitive issues relating to memory and some issues with overheating in the sun etc.

However, this fatigue is reminiscent of the time previous to the diagnosis being made. For two years beforehand, I had various symptoms but this fatigue was the most troublesome. It’s the kind where sleep doesn’t happen; just the heavy head and fatigue that just affects everyday life.

My doctor is trying me on some different medications, but also sending me back to a neurologist just to see if there is anything else to try.

Anyway,  this particular headache makes this post very short tonight……

Some Things are Better

Hi ! My absence in the past few months from regular posts, and being involved in others’, has been because of several issues within our family. There was the death of my sister’s husband last July, and I’ve been trying to spend time when I can with her. Then two more family members’ death; a niece and a nephew.

Along with this there have been and still some ongoing issues medically with my husband and I. We had great news and an answer to prayer yesterday however, as we learned the results of certain tests for his lung. There was some indication that he might have had lung cancer, but the lesion has diminished in size and so they believe firmly that it is not a tumour. That was a great relief. He still has some other issues, but hoping they are resolved too.

For myself I had a ‘growth’ on my wrist, which at first I thought I could clear up with home treatment, but had to go and have it removed, and when the biopsy came back it had cancerous cells. I was then sent to a specialist to have a deeper incision to remove more tissue, which was a week and a half ago. I go for the follow-up next Monday, hoping that everything is now okay. Skin cancer is usually treated very easily and successfully.

I still however am facing this extreme fatigue. My doctor has been trying to find a medication that will help. She believes it’s a flare-up from the Multiple Sclerosis. It’s the kind of fatigue reminiscent of when I was originally diagnosed. In any case there are some new meds that are being tried for this. If it doesn’t let up soon, perhaps I’ll see a Neurologist as I haven’t for several years because of the fact I am not severely debilitated with the M.S. If so, it’ll likely be a wait to get in, but hoping something will help in the not too distant future.

I didn’t really intend this to be an ‘oh woe is me’ post, but thought I would offer an explanation for why I still haven’t been able to get back to regular blogging and reading other’s.

Thanks for indulging me!   Diane xxxx

paper for blog-002






D.P. Might as Well Jump or ‘Not’

Today’s assignment for Blogging 101 is to select a ‘Daily Post Prompt’ and write about it. I chose this one.

Prompt: What’s the biggest risk you’d like to take — but haven’t been able to? What would have to happen to make you comfortable taking it?

I tried to think about some risk; actually any risk that I’d like to take and really couldn’t.

Throughout my life I suppose I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone on occasion, but I’m not a big ‘risk taker’. I’ve lived my life facing many adversities, with depression, multiple sclerosis and other medical issues, loss of loved ones and in general I guess all of the various trials any person or family faces in life.

Some I would suppose consider that it is rather boring not to take a risk of some kind,  not adventurous at all.  My life has been anything but boring, with lots of drama but also lots of joy. From the moment that we were married and had our three children and then grandchildren and not to be forgotten our one great-granddaughter, life has not been dull. Learning to be parents is full of surprises and pitfalls. We kept very close the handbook of parenting;  Dr. Spock… not the Dr. Spock of Star Wars… but the renown Pediatrician of our generation and his ‘Baby and Childcare’. If the baby’s crying and we can’t figure out why, look it up in his book; if he’s got a suspicious rash look it up to see if we should be taking him to the doctor or emergency. I lost count I think of how many times we thought he had measles or chicken pox…. but alas it was only a heat rash.  I should note that in retrospect Dr. Spock was not always right, but in the moments of  sheer terror that we as new parents sometimes felt, he was the ‘port in the storm’. Ahh yes, I remember it so well!

Although my husband and I have differences in our personalities, the one thing we do have in common is that neither of us are fond of taking risks. We weren’t afraid to step out in faith different times in our marriage; everyone has to make decisions, but if there was any chance that something had an element of not being in the best interest of us as a family, we just didn’t do it.

The security of everyone’s well being and safety was paramount in our lives, and still is. Maybe we missed out on some opportunities, but when I look back on our lives……. it’s okay; we’re content and we’ve been blessed!