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Sometimes Moments of the Past… Creep Back

Yesterday, for a short time some moments of the past crept in. It happened in a matter of a few words spoken.

I won’t expand on all the details, but it so quickly took me for a surprise, and evoked feelings that were like those when I was going through a time of depression.

The anxiety that I felt was hard to contain and I didn’t.  The initial aspects only lasted minutes, but the emotions that surfaced are still with me today.

It is strange how a word, can lead to a phrase, that then leads to expressions…. that then lead to emotional reactions.

These past few weeks, I have had some challenges with my health. (It seems to me the word, ‘again’ fits) I guess it goes with age some of it. One of the issues was that I ended up in emergency a couple of weeks ago, because I woke up at 3 am not really speaking or making sense. It is possible that it was a mini stroke (TIA) but equally possible it was something else.  There are some other issues, but won’t go into them.

The only reason I mention that last part, is that I guess, not feeling well, it leaves me vulnerable to over-reaction of words spoken, or perceived criticism, whether there or not.

Anyway, that’s what the left-overs of depression, that sometimes ‘lurk’ in the recesses of your mind, can do to a person years later, if conditions are at all present.

For awhile my strength was very much diminished. I know by the end of today, with God’s help,  I will be okay and my physical and emotional well-being will be as it should.

I write this only as more information, that may help or educate one who suffers/suffered with depression, or one who lives with a person who does………….. I guess I also wrote it to just ‘write’ it! ??

(p.s. I’m somewhat slow in catching up on your blogs; I was also away for 3 days with my sister. I’m hoping to gradually catch up) ………………….. Diane xx

Thankfulness Mondays – An Early Search, and Find

Week 49 (of  52) joining with Bernadette of Haddon Musings and other bloggers, posting each week of something in our lives to be thankful for, whether small or large;  hoping while doing so it will offset some negative areas and perhaps encourage some others along the way.

Today I’m thankful for something frivolous. While in a shopping mall this week not really intending to look for it, I decided to go into a couple of stores that were there, because the malls around where we live, don’t have these particular stores.

It’s not that I needed to get it yet, as I don’t until October, but just thought I’d have a little look. So the first store that I went into, that I thought  would have a good selection of gowns, in fact had very little choice. Of course when you’re being very specific I wasn’t sure about finding the ‘one’ I was looking for.

Lo and behold, the second shop I went into, had many to choose from, and there on the rack I found exactly the right one; at least in my mind. It was the exact colour, length and had a little bolero top to cover the shoulders and upper arms. If you know about women over 70, you might understand why I would want a little bolero or little jacket.

The dress is for our first grandson, in fact the first grandchild to be married, in October. Now you know why I really didn’t need to really be looking yet. I so look forward to him and his beautiful fiancée, being married and starting their life as husband and wife. I pray for them, that they will accept the best and the worst… and that they do love and cherish each other as they go through their life together.

Anyway, I am excited that I found my dress, and so look forward to their coming marriage.

The pictures I’m putting up were actually from the store’s online website, ( as I had to put mine in for alterations. I’m only 5 feet tall and clothes I buy are always too long). I have to say the pictures don’t  do the dress justice. It is, in actuality a shimmering grey, with sequins.

 Of course, I don’t have a figure like the model does, but I am so happy and thankful to have found it, and on sale!

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Thankfulness Mondays – A Gift This Mother’s Day

Week 47 (of 52) along with Bernadette of Haddon Musings and others, posting of things to be thankful for in our lives ‘big and small’ to offset some of the more negative areas of life.

This Mother’s Day we had lunch with our two sons, which was very nice. Our daughter and her family live near Chicago, in Illinois so couldn’t come. What was even nicer was that one of our son’s usually goes away most weekends to their cottage, but stayed home in order to come and see me.

That is special in itself, but he also came to church with us this morning. While our children, 2 sons and 1 daughter are Christians, they don’t usually attend church. They used to, but like so many of this generation they don’t do so now. There are many who like them, don’t see the need. They believe in God and they pray. but I guess somewhere along the line, the desire to go and listen to God’s word being preached, has gone by the wayside.

They work all week, and then the weekends are spent ‘doing’ all the chores, shopping and relaxing; and in one son’s case going north 3 hours to their summer cottage.

So this Mother’s Day I am thankful because one of my sons, said to me that he could have bought me a present (though he did give me some flowers and a card), but he thought I might appreciate more, him staying home this weekend, and coming to church with us.

And he’s right, I did !

Family picture last 2015

Thankfulness Mondays – Humour Amidst Chaos

Under the wire… but Week 45 (of 52) weeks posting with Bernadette of Haddon Musings and others, for things and areas of our lives, that we have to be thankful for and to offset the negativity that can surround us..

Well, I’m definitely thankful the actual move is done. It’s been exhausting really, and it will be awhile until we’re settled.

The night of the move, I found myself chuckling. Here my husband was putting together two of three items we ordered online and were delivered that day to the new apartment. He was muttering to himself things like “they sent the wrong part”, or…. ” the directions don’t make any sense, or….. the picture they show doesn’t match their directions etc. etc.

I found myself trying to do something, and I was doing the very same thing, muttering away to myself and not expecting any replies or conversation.. just muttering. I then realized what a pair we were!

As it turns out he got everything assembled though one of them was a real challenge; with so many screws, nuts and bolts, along with pieces to put together… A & B go opposite C & D; an so on and so on. I on the other did not solve my dilemma, but now I have the internet and I will ‘google’ to find my answer!

It was a tough move, as the older one gets of course the less energy one has. But I am thankful for the ability to laugh in the midst of the chaos of moving!

P.S. For those who gave their thoughts and prayers for my sister; she is out of the hospital but the doctors have advised her not to live alone now, with her condition as it is. She has the opportunity of moving to a Senior’s building where there is 24 hour medical help if there is a need, and also some meals each month, and activities if she wants. She’ll still have an apartment, though small; it will still be her ‘own’ ! Thank You for caring! …..Diane

Thankfulness Mondays – Really Tired But Thankful!

Week 44  (of 52) posting of things to be thankful for, with Bernadette of Haddon Musings and others to hopefully encourage others and to offset the many negative areas of our life.

Today I’m thankful that we move in two days, and that my sister is recovering, though still quite ill, from double pneumonia. She’s older than I am, and went into the hospital last week very weak and ill. Her BP, heart rate and oxygen rate we very low. She was in ICU until today and they were moving her to a regular room.

The news that while the doctor is pleased  she is recovering, on examination he found that her COPD is now severe, and she also has emphysema and congenitive heart failure. She has been quite tired for some time now, but seemingly this went undiagnosed until she became so ill.

The positive aspect is that she will now be followed by two specialists, and receive some help with homecare, housework, and a few days of meals on wheels. This will allow her to live in her own home as long as possible

We’re moving in two days, but I wanted to go to see her for a couple of days, to know that she was okay. It’s been a tough couple of weeks packing etc; but there’s an end in site, and my sister is out of immediate danger.

Once I get settled I’ll of course go and see spend some time with her.!

Note that I won’t have internet when we move on Tuesday for a week or so, therefore won’t be able to read any blogs or comment or post.  I’ll have to try and catch up on at least some when I’m back online.

Taken last July 2016

 

Thankfulness Mondays – A Few Wistful Moments

Week 41 (of 52) along with Bernadette of Haddon Musings and others, posting of things in our lives that sometimes go unnoticed, and which if we think about them, will offset many negatives aspects of the world around us, and make us truly thankful.

A few posts ago, I wrote that because of moving and de-cluttering I found some old journals and other writings, from many years ago, when I was going through periods of depression. They caused me to remember things and I found a great sadness overwhelmed me for a time..

Well today I found some more old letters, but instead of sadness they brought some ‘wistful moments’.  There were some from family members who were very close to me, and some friends but the ones that I most cherish, were from my Mother. I was about 12 and 13 years of age at the time. I used to spend most summers when I was young at one of my brother’s home. This was because of course she had to work, and didn’t want me left alone.

He had 5 children, and I used to ‘babysit’ them. Most of them were not babies, but very young. I used to take them to the pool at the park most days, and various other things. I would then get some spending money to go to the show with a friend, or buy treats with.

Since it was in a city about 3 hours away my mother and I used to exchange letters, and I found a few of them today. I re-read them, and it brought back memories. I remembered how special she was, and felt very thankful for having her as my mother.

Of course she occasionally might get a friend or family member to drive up for a visit occasionally, but she always wanted to let me know she was thinking of me. That of course is way before home computers, or cell phones or emails.

It’s a shame that not many write letters anymore, and I’m one of those who don’t.  I do still send cards, but not letters.  It certainly was more exciting to look in the mailbox each day, and wonder if there would be a letter or card addressed to me. Emails or text messages sent are usually deleted shortly after they are received, and not kept as a treasure to be discovered many years later.

While I am getting rid of a lot of stuff with this move  since we won’t have the storage, I will not dispose of those letters.

One doesn’t throw away cherished wistful moments.

Picture of my Mother and I on my wedding day. A picture I cherish!

 

Thankfulness Mondays – Just Pondering

Week 39 of (52) along with Bernadette of Haddon Musings and others, posting of things to be thankful for in our lives, whether they are small or great significance.

Today I’m just thinking of our children; our two sons and one daughter.  From the time they are born, you realize what an important role you will have, in helping to guide them into being the best they can be. You hope to instill in them morals, values, faith in God, responsibility, kindness, love…. and just so much more.

You wonder how you will do this and if it is really possible. Then you just start living day by day, issue by issue, challenge by challenge, whether they are 3 or 10 or 15 years of age. The difficulties that arise each stage of life, whether at school or at home you try to help the best that you can, to guide them.

Now, we can look at our children in their 40’s and 50’s,  and who they have become, and can  say that our hopes dreams and prayers for them, have come to be.

We can see that they are happy, and I am full of thankfulness for that, especially to God, and have such a sense of peace and joy within.