Some of you who follow will know that there have been two close family members who have died in the past few months. One of them “J” was my sister M’s husband, and the other, one of my nieces “A” who was just 52.
There are also other bloggers who have had to deal with losses of their husband in the past couple of years, and even others with close family or friends.
There have been many losses that have occurred in my lifetime; the older you get there are bound to me more…. I’m the last of 10 children in our family; and I have seen 5 siblings succumb to cancer and 2 to other causes. My mother’s passing though it was over 25 years ago was such a tremendous loss, as we were so close.
I guess the purpose of this post, is to serve perhaps as a reminder that those who are hurting the most, with the loss of a loved one, need to know that all the comfort and support given during the week or so with visiting, phone calls and then the memorial service, will be sustained in the days, weeks and even months ahead.
There is no ‘level of grief, but in the case of a husband, wife, partner, child, or other close family member, the need is the greatest I believe. It’s so easy and even perfunctory to offer support and anything that will be needed in the days following the service. The words are said so easily, and are meant sincerely at the time, but following through is another thing. I guess most people think that the person grieving, will call if they need help or support, and of course then we will help……….. but will we always do that…….. can we always do that?
From my observations, it is very difficult for that person to call and ask for support or help. Sometimes they just want to cry or talk about the ways in which they miss the person, the things they loved about the person. In some cases they don’t want to feel like the ‘fifth wheel’ .. the odd one out, when they feel like getting out with others that may all be ‘couples’.
With that in mind I have been trying to be there for my sister since ‘J’ passed away… and also it came to my mind last night to call my nephew “R” who just lost his wife. I think it’s common perhaps to have the first thought, that maybe they won’t want to talk; maybe they’ll feel we’re intruding in their grief and they’d rather just be left alone. But when he answered the phone he was so glad I’d called, and he did speak of some of the ways and reasons he missed his wife so much… little things but important to him. He said he’d come by in the next while, when he was in the area; he lives about an hour away.
Anyway, I’m just sharing some thoughts as I do
As an aside; I’m still not back fully to blogging because of still some issues that we’re dealing with for which I hope will all resolve, and trying to spend more time with ‘M’ right now when she most needs it. I’m so sorry that I’m not caught up reading your posts…. I hope to soon! …………………. Diane