Should I Explain ?

One of the latest paintings

One of the latest paintings

Even after being married for over 50 years, there are times that communication is lacking.

I know that I’ve written previously on whether or not to say anything negative if it’s not necessary,to let it just go.  That’s still hold true, especially if it will cause hurt to someone else.

There’s times though between you and someone else; especially someone close such as a friend, spouse or other relative. that we wonder if we should explain to them something that caused perhaps confusion or upset or ruffled our feelings. Maybe we decide not to bother, but inside we’re really wanting to tell them what they said or did had an affect on us.

Sometimes I know that I’m thinking to myself that ‘he/she’ should have known me by now, and that my feelings tend to get hurt if something is said. Or perhaps, I’m thinking that I told him/her before about this and yet here they are repeating the same thing.

I’m ‘big’ on communicating fears/hurts/wants, because I think it’s really a very important aspect of a relationship. In fact when asked often by others, what they think is the success of making it to 50 years I would answer communication and forgiveness. Now I know there’s a lot more to marriage than that, and not easy to simplify, however, I do think those two are very important.

Whenever I do get feeling that he/she has ‘done/said’ it again, and should have known me by now, I realize that I’m assuming that in fact they do remember. After all, people have all sorts of relationships, and while we I would like to think everyone ‘should’ recall all facets of my personality, it’s not really realistic.

Most times when it happens, and I find myself brooding about it, I end up ‘fessing up’ and telling the person that I was hurt/upset/confused and wait for their reaction. Really, sometimes it’s not ever a big deal but I need to clear the air. And when it comes right down to it, I really just want some acknowledgement that they understand.

Okay, so I want them to say ‘I’m sorry’ even if there wasn’t any reason for them to have to say it.

Did I mention I’m a complex personality……”REALLY! You knew that”?

22 thoughts on “Should I Explain ?

  1. Such wise words. I can learn a lot from your years of experience. What have you done in the past if someone refuses to apologize and can’t even see how they hurt you when they you’ve tried to explain? I had a situation like this in 2014 and it keeps plaguing me, though I try to forget it.


    • Thanks Merryn for such kind words… I had on more than one occasion where this happened. One time when I felt that I just wasn’t getting through to someone, I ‘wrote’ everything in a letter to them, because when I tried to do it in person I just couldn’t find the right words at the right time. And when I did it, I tried to keep from beginning with ‘you made me’…. instead I wrote ‘when you said ……… or when you did …………. “IT” made me feel ……………. When I did this I was surprised to receive an apology for their part in what happened etc…
      If you still don’t get any acknowledgement… each time the thought comes to you and you feel bad, I would (and have done so for similar reason) …. ‘reject that thought’ consciously reject it as something that makes you feel bad…. instead try to redirect your thought to something that makes you smile or laugh or bring you joy. Maybe if you do it enough times… it will help! I hope so. I certainly don’t want to come off as a ‘know it all’ because I sure don’t….. Diane


  2. Thank you Diane and I agree we need to be real not just wear a mask but many do and you wonder why they walk away instead of resolving their hurt or differences.

    People know when I’m happy and also when I’m hurting and this is why my friends say they Trust me, I don’t pretend and it’s why I value and respect you too Diane because you say it how it is not just what others want to hear but even so as you shared we remember they have feelings too , so we are considerate and Loving in how we respond, even if sometimes firm and to the point.

    Christian Love and Blessings – Anne.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love your simplicity in years of marriage. .
    but ya sometimes I need to remind myself it’s not me it’s sometimes people themselves that need to stop and think I’m not in control of there words, ya Sure is nice if they apologize but letting it go ..often works out fine it projects gentleness in me ay I so wish I carried it often enough with me!
    Lots love my friend

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m the exact same way! The longer I hold the hurt in, the worse it becomes until I have made a mountain out of a mole-hill. Granted 99.9% of the time my expression of hurt was met with either the infamous eye roll or head drop, totally making me angry and more hurt. Sometimes us just can’t win.

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  5. I want integrity in my close relationships so yes, I do bring up the difficult questions. That being said, a lot fewer things bother me as life gets shorter but I still go to bat sometimes. We were at a movie today and my husband kept shaking his leg so much it was making me sick to my stomach. We agreed years ago that when he does this, I just rest my hand on his knee as a gentle reminder to stop him. It stayed on his knee the entire movie but we both enjoyed ourselves!

    Liked by 2 people

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