So Many Thoughts…………..

I’m sitting here in my chair, and so many thoughts racing through my head. I’m listening to some Christian songs sung by Elvis… yes Elvis!  He was a singer that of course began back when I was in my early years, and I know he is a very controversial person and subject, but still my husband and I listen to his music and get comfort when he sings gospel songs.

My brother-in-law passed away on Thursday night, after living several days in spite of being taken off life-support. Some of us wondered why he lasted for several days after, and God did not take him home. However as Christians we do know that sometimes there are reasons.

There were several members of the family that were not ready for ‘J’ to pass on. They had questions in their minds, they had disbelief that they were actually losing their ‘grampy’ or ‘father’. They were in shock! It’s not that ‘J’ was young; but they just couldn’t comprehend such a loss. During those few days, I got to speak to some of them as did my sister and others in the family. We were having conversations the day ‘J’ died, about the fact that ‘all’ were now ready to let him go. That is the night around 10 pm that he went to be with the Lord.

I had intended to stay with my sister until after the funeral services, which now aren’t until Tuesday and for a few days thereafter. However, plans changed and I’m home. My sister ‘M’ was not able to stay overnight in the home that she lived in with her husband and so for the two nights I did stay, she went to her daughter’s. No one can predict how the death of someone so near and dear to us, will affect us. Perhaps after the service and a few days with her daughter and family, ‘M’ will be able to go home. She needs to ready it for selling as she intends to get an apartment, but again her family will help her with this.

My feelings right now are sad; of course because of the loss of a dear brother… I never really considered him an ‘in-law’ as we were so close and have known him for over 60 years. I am sad for another reason, and it is purely and simple selfish; that I could not spend the time that I thought I would have with my sister to comfort her and be close, grieve with her, and just talk about everything and nothing!

I guess sometimes we want to be ‘needed’ in a special way, but we have to put aside our own feelings and realize that the other person has needs of their own, and respect and accept that.

It doesn’t however take away the sadness right now that I’m feeling, but everything will be okay and I’m sure in the future I’ll have some special time with ‘M’.

p.s. my concentration factor is almost nil so haven’t been able to do much reading of any of your blogs, but hopefully soon.

28 thoughts on “So Many Thoughts…………..

  1. You are right that we all need time. I can understand how your sister could not go back home. What a blessing that she is wanted by her children and her loving sister. So many are alone.

    Lean heavily on our Lord right now, He is there to hold you and comfort you. He understands your pain all to well. And lean on your friends, we are all here for you and if you or sister need to talk I am here, an email away. In the mean time I will lift both of you up in prayer especially tomorrow.

    In God’s love ~

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I just read this post after I replied to your comment you sent me. I’m so sorry you lost someone so close. Hard to imagine parting with someone known for that length of time. I’m glad you have your faith in Jesus to draw comfort from and it sounds like you had a real Romans 8:28 situation with the timing of your brother in law’s passing. I am praying God wraps His arms about you and the extended family and helps you cope with the loss and adjust to life as it changes without him.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My thoughts are with you Diane. Death is hard but an inevitable thing. I have coped with Death in the past and it’s hard not to focus on your own emotions. Still, I wish you peace of mind and be comforted knowing that J is with the Lord.

    Hugs 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you.. Yes I too have experienced many times the process that comes when a loved one passes, and you’re right of course in that ‘our emotions’ is what ‘we’ have to deal with personally as well as those of others… Diane

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Grief has different ways of expressing itself Diane and denial is one of them, I remember after Mum died I use to start to Phone her number but than remember and so I would feel very sad and sometimes it still doesn’t seem like reality.

    Praying for you all to feel God’s comfort at this time Diane, as He holds you close and reassures you of your Eternal reunion with all your Loved ones in Heaven.

    Christian Love Always – Anne

    Liked by 1 person

    • These younger members of the family experienced grief for the first time.. and so weren’t sure what to do… with the Holy Spirit’s help they all came to accept it.. and though they will struggle.. they will be okay I’m sure.. Thank you for your prayers and comforting words… Diane

      Like

  5. Diane, I honestly did not know what to say when I first commented and expressed my sympathies. It brought back so many memories of those first days of numb. Feeling overwhelmed, lost, abandoned, unable to make a decision. My heart goes out to your sister and to you. Lots of prayers and lots of hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Pingback: So Many Thoughts.............. | Christians Anonymous

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