While I like to believe that all things are possible, there are some that are not. We all have times in our lives where we may do or say something we regret, or something happens that we so wish hadn’t. Those are the things that cannot be undone.
If I could have one time to live over again it would be this last year. It was one year ago that I was recuperating in the hospital after taking an overdose of a medication in error, and my breathing and heart stopped and during CPR ribs were fractured. That was not the thing that was the most traumatic.
It was what happened because of my illness, that has caused the heartache, tears and recriminations for the days, weeks and months following. Because of actions taken during this time, our relationship with one member of our family was critically affected. There was no communication for months and then periodic emails and then occasional phone calls. At this point while there are times we talk, it is still strained and not as it was or should be.
We can’t go back; we can’t undo what was done. I still have times where I take so much of the blame because if I hadn’t been so distraught I wouldn’t have made the mistake and taken too much of the medication. Why is it so hard to let go of these thoughts. I think I’ve put it away and that it’s over and done with and we can’t do it over, only to pop up again in my mind as today when I think about a year ago, and being in the hospital.
Lives are changed sometimes forever because of one incident, one word, one action and right now I am just so angry about it, so saddened by it. I know that I have to let it go…. I thought actually that I had but right now I am just having a difficult time.
I know that wisdom is knowing the things that can and cannot be changed and we should accept those that cannot be. Wisdom sometimes fails me I guess, and feelings simply take over.
I will pray for that wisdom to come! ………………………. Diane