There are Things that are Not Possible

While I like to believe that all things are possible, there are some that are not. We all have times in our lives where we may do or say something we regret, or something happens that we so wish hadn’t. Those are the things that cannot be undone.

If I could have one time to live over again it would be this last year. It was one year ago that I was recuperating in the hospital after taking an overdose of a medication in error, and my breathing and heart stopped and during CPR ribs were fractured.  That was not the thing that was the most traumatic.

It was what happened because of my illness, that has caused the heartache, tears and recriminations for the days, weeks and months following. Because of actions taken during this time, our relationship with one member of our family was critically affected. There was no communication for months and then periodic emails and then occasional phone calls. At this point while there are times we talk, it is still strained and not as it was or should be.

We can’t go back; we can’t undo what was done. I still have times where I take so much of the blame because if I hadn’t been so distraught I wouldn’t have made the mistake and taken too much of the medication. Why is it so hard to let go of these thoughts. I think I’ve put it away and that it’s over and done with and we can’t do it over, only to pop up again in my mind as today when I think about a year ago, and being in the hospital.

Lives are changed sometimes forever because of one incident, one word, one action and right now I am just so angry about it, so saddened by it. I know that I have to let it go…. I thought actually that I had but right now I am just having a difficult time.

I know that wisdom is knowing the things that can and cannot be changed and we should accept those that cannot be. Wisdom sometimes fails me I guess, and feelings simply take over.

I will pray for that wisdom to come! ………………………. Diane

 

 

 

23 thoughts on “There are Things that are Not Possible

  1. Please don’t be so hard on yourself Diane. I could hear words from the Serenity Prayer in your post. When these feelings surface, turn it all over to God, let Him handle this for you, allowing you to enjoy your life to its fullest! After all, you have beautiful pictures to paint!

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    • I know you’re right. I think because it’s been a long …rather tough year physically and emotionally that it’s just hit me for the past few days. Within me was I guess the hope that where forgiveness was needed it might have by now…. My heart’s desire is for this to happen and the Bible does say that God longs to give those who love Him…’their heart’s desire’. I know I must remember in His timing not mine…but it’s hard….. Maybe if I get stronger physically it will get easier…. Thanks as always Catherine…. Diane

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  2. I’m so sorry that you are feeling so distraught tonight. I have no words of wisdom or comfort to offer, only a friendly ear you can bend anytime and prayers that you will feel better soon. Hugs.. Deb

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    • Thanks Deb… It’s just been such a long year full of emotional and physical issues…I’m plain worn out. I would go to the doctor but I don’t feel comfortable with her sometimes…I’m hoping to change to a doctor I had years ago when we lived in the area before moving for those 12 years… He was much easier to talk to, and he wasn’t reticent on referring me to a specialist like my present doctor…. Diane

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  3. While on earth there are always lessons to be learned> As for myself making poor choices in life has resulted in tremendous disappointment in myself. I have learned to forgive myself and because of all of this I am a much wiser and compassionate person. I have learned the hard and painful way. God does have a plan and purpose for all.. I love the book Streams in the Desert! Each day it speaks to my heart. I highly recommend it..

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  4. Times like this, prayer is our only shelter. Maybe, God has a reason for allowing those things to happen. You may not know now, but remember, all things work for the good of those who love Him. 🙂

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