I’m writing this post the night before I go to my specialist’s appointment tomorrow. While not wanting to place too much importance on this visit, I find I am. To have spent this past year with the appointments, cancelled appointments, tests, this specialist and that specialist and my family doctor’s opinions and just plain confusion over it all I am feeling a bit intense.
Lack of proper sleep has affected so many areas of my life, and I have come close to that slippery slope of going down the road to depression again. It’s somewhere I do not want to go as I spent too many years of my life there already. Last summer was not one I like to remember, as even the events leading up to ending up in the hospital were partially to do with sleep exhaustion. Being able to cope with the after effects of that event, in our family relationships that happened has been difficult to handle over this past year also. The M.S. that I have, has probably also contributed to the degree of fatigue.
Having said that I am amazed really that I have been able to function even at the level I have been. I honestly attribute that to the well wishes, good thoughts, and the many prayers offered up on my behalf. While I haven’t been able to lie down to sleep, I do get 4 hours or so in my recliner, and then I nod off many times a day, often not being aware that I’ve done so, until I jerk awake and sometimes my husband telling me how long I’ve been sleeping…many times in the car also. But I do ‘function’. Often times people will say to me even though they know of my situation… that I look so good! My first reaction to myself is …”how can that be”? I sometimes will laughingly think or even say… that my ‘instant health’ (make-up) is doing a good job. But my second thought is in reality the one that should have been my first… and that being .. “that it’s because of the kindness of others thinking of and praying for me”!
So for many of you who have done so, I thank you. Though I don’t know what the doctor will say tomorrow, and I do still have one more test in June, I want you to know that I do appreciate you and the others who have brought me through this far.
And again, it’s not that it’s anything serious just something that is debilitating.