‘Great Expectations’

I’m sitting here right now and I’m thinking of family and wondering what part exactly I fit into their lives and what exactly are my expectations.

Of course I know I’m loved as a parent, grandparent, sister, aunt etc. etc. but do I expect more from them, than I should? Do I expect to be more important than I am? Perhaps I’m wanting others to fill some particular void or longing in my life. It’s not fair really to expect others to be responsible for making us feel better. Often they will of course, when you speak to them and they know you’re really not up to par…but what about when there’s a time frame when you so wish there would be someone ‘knowing’ that you so need to talk to them or have some contact. They’re not mind readers after all, but you wish they were.

These kinds of expectations are not really good or appropriate to have, as they evoke negative feelings that creep into your thoughts. ‘I guess I’m not as special as I’d hoped for’…. or ‘They must know that I like to speak to them more often, so why don’t they call?’… or ‘I guess they have more important things to do and are too busy.’ Those are unfair assumptions and I know they are, but still occasionally they come.

cell phoneThere are times I think to contact them, but usually it’s not by phone because most respond now to ‘text messages’… In fact home landlines are becoming a scarce commodity, given up for cell phones. That’s actually why a few months ago we got one, so that we could text them. The thing is though that most often I don’t get an immediate response, and so again that makes me wonder if I should be expecting one right away.

What about the expectations we have in just day to day living? Do we think that we should have what others do? Why? The old ‘green-eyed monster shows its’ presence … or as the Bible refers to this as… “Thou shalt not covet…….”  In other words be content with what you have and don’t be wanting what others have. I don’t intentionally ‘want’ what I don’t have but if I’m not careful it will sometimes subtley get into my thinking.

Then there’s the somewhat out of proportion expectations of life itself. I do on occasion and it again is not intentional, but I will wonder how my life ‘could should would’ be different ‘if only’.  There’s another trap it’s easy to fall into.

So, what are my expectations? Are they realistic and do they promote good vibes or feelings or are they ‘out of whack’ and need to be toned down? When I find myself asking those kinds of questions, I really attempt to stop and remind myself that my life is what it is, and to be thankful for what I do have and for the many blessings and people who are in it.

I guess that I should expect only what is valid and probable to happen in my life, I suppose that I can expect to be treated with respect and kindness and some communication from those who love me, but I don’t have the right to “demand’ it.

26 thoughts on “‘Great Expectations’

  1. I’m a brand-new reader and follower of your blog. I’m so glad I happened upon it! I too am trying to figure out where I fit into the lives of others. For me, a large part is changing my thinking, adjusting my expectations.
    I look forward to reading more of your wonderful writing. You’ve really influenced my day positively! Thank you!

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  2. I really love your Honesty to Diane. Love how you bring up your family and what I can read your love for them. This post hit home for me. Since my boy was born my parents opened this huge antique store. We hardly see them, we do see them on their terms. Not like I imagined they would be after I had my son sometimes my feelings run wild on me and make me believe they opened the store just to have a excuse to keep their distance also when moving into my parents neck of the woods they moved out! I feel like they have some kind of wall up? When we do see them it is very nice but its not enough for me Appleton Avenues comment brought it home and their is lots of truth in what he or she said. I know though exactly how you feel and what your saying.

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    • Family situations and the fact that some seem to not want the same level of relationship as we do …. does hurt … I know that especially with your son.. you likely want him to have their ‘grandparents’ in his life…and you of course would be saddened at their seemingly not wanting the same thing… I guess we can only keep ‘hope’ in our lives..for the future… Diane

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    • Hi Betty… I’m still trying to get certain issues clarified ..’especially’ an issue which again interrupts my sleep … different than before… So am tired once again…It’s a slow process as I go from one dr. to another with weeks usually in between… but I will get to the bottom of it..There is hope always…. Thanks for asking… I hope you are feeling well though last time I read you were having pain…. Diane

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  3. I totally understand what you mean. From the Buddhist point of view, your expectations are your wanting. It’s something you want. To stop wanting is to stop suffering. People truly are busy, and sadly, in this world, work and raising a healthy family, trying to give back by volunteering, and to spend some quality ‘me’ time, is about all the pressure some people can take. That is the reality of our world today. Sadly, it will never be as it used to be. Sadly we must all accept things as they are, not as we wish they would be. When we accept that, we are at peace. Have no expectations.

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