I haven’t posted or even read a lot lately, but hope to get back to doing so.
I have to admit that I am struggling right now. Most days I function okay but there is this underlying unrest and yes sadness.
I pray, I hope, I wait, but I’m not ‘waiting’ well. I have asked God to forgive me for not trusting Him enough because it is clear that I’m not, so why not admit it to myself and to Him and to you.
My family has been my life in that if it is not well within it I am not at peace. Of course I say that the most important relationship is with God and family second….. but is that true if I am so saddened and upset with the fact our family is fractured right now with the absence of our daughter in it.
I want God to be first and then my family second but if I’m not focusing on God and believing He ‘IS” taking care of the problem first and foremost, am I being honest with myself?
I am confused and God is not the author of confusion, I know that. Is it because God’s timing is just not mine? I quote scripture about God wanting to give good things to his children and the to pray with thanksgiving and make our petition before God.
I feel like I’m trying too hard…. I don’t want to ‘try’. I just want things to be okay! Is there something I’m lacking in my prayers? I don’t want to be phony…. I just am having such a hard time.
I still want to believe all will be well… I guess I’m just not good at ‘waiting’….. And the fact that Christmas is here and it has always been a special time in our family and I would suppose it is a factor.