Struggling

I haven’t posted or even read a lot lately, but hope to get back to doing so.

I have to admit that I am struggling right now. Most days I function okay but there is this underlying unrest and yes sadness.

I pray, I hope, I wait, but I’m not ‘waiting’ well. I have asked God to forgive me for not trusting Him enough because it is clear that I’m not, so why not admit it to myself and to Him and to you.

My family has been my life in that if it is not well within it I am not at peace. Of course I say that the most important relationship is with God and family second….. but is that true if I am so saddened and upset with the fact our family is fractured right now with the absence of our daughter in it.

I want God to be first and then my family second but if I’m not focusing on God and believing He ‘IS” taking care of the problem first and foremost, am I being honest with myself?

I am confused and God is not the author of confusion, I know that. Is it because God’s timing is just not mine? I quote scripture about God wanting to give good things to his children and the to pray with thanksgiving and make our petition before God.

I feel like I’m trying too hard…. I don’t want to ‘try’.  I just want things to be okay! Is there something I’m lacking in my prayers? I don’t want to be phony…. I just am having such a hard time.

I still want to believe all will be well… I guess I’m just not good at ‘waiting’….. And the fact that Christmas is here and it has always been a special time in our family and I would suppose it is a factor.

44 thoughts on “Struggling

  1. My hero, Mr. Rogers said it best, “Confronting our feelings and giving them appropriate expression always takes strength, not weakness. It takes strength to face our sadness and to grieve and to let our grief flow in tears when they need to. It takes strength to talk about our feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when we need it.” The good news is now your caring audience and friends know….and that means you have tons of prayers. If your ever on facebook you might want to look up my daily devotional page called inspire me. There is one about goodness and mercy overtaking us, that I think you might really enjoy. You are a loving mother to so many (like me!) your kind and gentle spirit is so needed in this world…you are one of my superheroes!

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  2. As you know I am not one for prayers, but if I may be so bold: Are you asking God to fix your family and make it the way it used to be? or Are you asking him to help you understand and accept this rift. If’s been my experience that most of our pain comes from not accepting “what is.”

    That being said: I send you thoughts of love and understanding.

    Linda

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    • I know it can’t be the way it used to be …I’m only asking Him to heal ‘my daughter’s and our’ relationship so that we can go from here. She will never accept one of her brothers back into her life.
      As it happens Linda my husband sent her a card this week and apologized for something that happened this summer… and she just today sent an email. We responded saying we would keep our relationship with her and with our son separate…. and now we wait to see what she says…. thank you for your perspective Linda and your support always…. Diane

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  3. Diane, I have been off a lot lately. This is a season for reflection. I pray that everything will be okey. I hope your prayers are answered. I know you will be okey. Take care and have a wonderful time.

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  4. It is such a difficult time of year when the difficult situations seem even more difficult. We have had a nasty rupture in my family over the last few days so I understand and empathize.xxx

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  5. I can understand your situation, because if I am in your situation, I will feel the same. We must continue praying that God will give you the wisdom and whatever it takes so that all be well with your family.

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  6. I also understand – you will be in my prayers. – I think you let me know what my problem may be, I am trying too hard to be strong and trying to prove I can go on to everyone and not giving my grief over to God and to work it through in His timing not mine. You are a special lady and I am so blessed to know you. {hugs}

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    • That is so very sweet Patty ……I feel the same connection and we all do learn from each other I think… Sometimes I think … I’ll speak for myself only… that we may disappoint others when we don’t keep it together …. I certainly believe in the power of prayer… I guess it’s my own human frailty that it is the issue… but only a temporary set back… I do know all will be well.. Diane xoxo

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  7. I hope you find some peace and calm, Diane. It is hard on a person to be constantly in unrest. Your faith seems to keep you grounded most of the time. It’s hard when life goes up and down like this, isn’t it? This is a good place to let it out and get support. Hug, Heidi.

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  8. I’m sorry D. I know that it’s so tough for many of us and it seems like there is no way out… But I believe there is. I’ve seen it happen to other people so whilst it may seem impossible that it will happen to you… Just know that it does happen and that you are SO deserving of this.

    For me, I am keeping the prayers at a lower level for now. But I find that I feel better about doing less than I normally do because I am at least sticking with the basics so I am fulfilling that. As they say, ‘all in its right time’. G-d knows that you are crying for help, he hears you.
    Just try not to put so much pressure on yourself. He understands.

    Much love xxx

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  9. Its alright to feel sad, happy, up ,down, all around… life. When we don’t try making it better or go away,with transitory things and stimulants, we face what is given us. Remembering its always His hand on the other end of the thread we hold on to, during all times… for He is our lifeline. Amen.

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    • Thank you for giving me perspective… It is ultimately God who is in control… Today it was a time when the more I thought… the more I was confused …. and I do know that the confusion does not come from Him….. and I know He will sustain me… Diane

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  10. I “Liked” your post because you are speaking your truth, being vulnerable, and sharing what is really going on for you. While it saddens me that you are in pain, it would sadden me much more if you chose to hide it. Please know that you are in my thoughts, my friend. May healing and lasting joy come soon.

    With Love,
    Russ

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    • Thank you Russ… today was I guess a ‘bad day’ full of all kinds of thoughts….
      BTW while I hadn’t yet registered as a follower on your new site… I just went to check and clicked only on the first ‘follow’ and it said I was following.

      I think the two follow buttons did confuse me and I remember putting my email address in …and then a couple of ways… so maybe I confused the issue. If I had just clicked the first follow button …period… I would have been okay… all’s well that ends well….. Diane

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