Whether we’re Christians or not our emotions cannot always be predictable. The ‘why’ cannot always be pinpointed as to the reason we are feeling as we are. Sometimes we expect to feel a certain way but the opposite happens.
For example sadness appears when we think we ought to be happy. Maybe our expectations are too heightened when we believe if only this or that would happen, then we will feel happy. I have found this to be true again recently.
But how often in our lives do we build something up in our minds and then find it didn’t live up to our hopes and to repeat myself, expectations? Perhaps for some it is a new job, or a new home, or a dream vacation.
Perhaps it is in a relationship that we believe if only we can talk to someone an understanding will magically happen, and all will be well.
Sadly I find that it doesn’t always happen that easily. There can be communication and yet the words spoken don’t say as much as the ones left unspoken. We are left wondering how to bridge the gap that seems so wide.
Today the words to Saint Francis of Assisi came to mind and I won’t quote it all, but I will link it if anyone wants to read it in its entirety.... Saint Francis Of Assisi Prayer.
The words are so meaningful and yet some of them I felt the opposite today of a portion of them.
“Let me not seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.”
I longed to be consoled, understood and loved.
Love is implied and there is no doubt that I am loved, but I needed to ‘feel’ that love in a way I can’t quite explain except perhaps understanding me is part of it….as I do feel misunderstood. There is then the feeling that I needed consoling because of the sadness evoked.
And so my prayer should of course seek to be the one to understand, console, and to love, but there are times when I need it too.