The Sorrow Sometimes ‘Invisible’

Today,  I am joining other bloggers in writing about something….because unfortunately it was part of my existence… as it is for many.  ‘This condition is ‘suicide’.

And this blog is because September 10, 2012 is World Suicide Prevention Day.

For many years I suffered the agony of this terrible condition and it was lurking in the shadows a long time for me, as a possible answer to my overwhelming feelings of depression.

As I have written previously, I probably had my first ‘unofficial’ feeling of not wanting to be on this earth…just to ‘not be’ anymore,  in my teenage years. The feeling did not last long, but it was there.

Then early in my marriage and having three children before the age of 24 and all the pressures and stresses that it brings I began my journey of depression. It would come and go, and at first doctors just felt it was related to the fact of having a young family to look after and I would be given sedatives to help me. But they just made me sleepy and unable to have the energy level to care for my children.

As the depression grew in depth my doctors began me on the road with antidepressants and that would be my life on and off until I was over 60 years of age. There would be times that ‘the darkness’ would lift somewhat and I managed to care for our family and even work outside the home. But so often there would be this overwhelming sometimes…. feeling, that my family and ‘the world’ would be better off without me.

Sometimes the feeling would persist too long and while I am certainly not proud to admit it, I did try on more than one occasion to end my life. There was always the ‘pull’ of not wanting to do this terrible thing, but on the other hand I was so sad and lonely within myself that I did not want to continue on with these feelings anymore.

I wouldn’t be here writing about it if it wasn’t for the grace of God and His hand on me, that saved me from myself. I went through many forms of therapy, medications and other treatment …even ECT.  For those of you that don’t know what that is…it is Electro Convulsive Therapy. There was no way that I wanted to do this, nor did my family want it for me, but my husband and I decided that I needed ‘something’ in order to save my life’. I am not endorsing or encouraging ECT because it has its side-effects and now there are other treatments and better medications to treat depression and feelings of suicide. I mention it only because that’s how deep my feelings were of not wanting to live anymore.

There are thousands of people who suffer from wanting to end their lives and sad to say thousands that do so. They don’t make headlines usually unless there is something that brings it to the attention of the media. Usually that would be if it was a celebrity of some kind that had done this.  Otherwise these people seem somehow ‘invisible’.

This blog today along with others’ is to bring awareness to the people who suffer distress so much that they think this is the only way out of their terrible sadness. Perhaps you even know someone who is near this point and maybe just maybe if you show compassion and offer your friendship and other help, you can save that person. If we all loved like Jesus did..with unconditional love, kindness and gentleness maybe we could make a difference in the statistics of the number of people who commit suicide each and every year. They will realize that there is hope, and that the despair they feel is not forever.

So please reach out to those who are hurting and try to make a difference in our world that we share together.

27 thoughts on “The Sorrow Sometimes ‘Invisible’

  1. I hope that all is well with you now. I will remember you in prayers. There was a time when life was too dark for me and thought of the world being a better place without me in it. Thanks be to God, that did not last long.

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    • Yes I have been free from depression for a few years now…thanks to a wonderful God and a Christian doctor who never gave up on me…As you will know having felt similar feelings it is a place of total despair…Thank you for prayers….Diane

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  2. I’m so glad you found the strength in God to live on! You are truely blessed with the skill of writing and convey so much in your writing. I know I always get something out of your words and thoughts. Perhaps you went through that pain so that you are able to help others find hope & meaning in Christ?

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  3. . I have lost people and I have attempted myself several times. I am hoping that I am moving forward and getting out of the pit of hell inside my own head. Thank you for writing such a raw, painful, honest post!

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    • I will ‘hope’ along with you. When you are in the ‘pit of hell’ it is hard to imagine having hope for a better life…but it is possible and pray you will find it to be so, soon. There is a totally different way of thinking that happens as you are probably finding out…instead of the ‘dark’ thoughts …you suddenly find there are good possibilities within our lives. We need to find them and concentrate on them. I never thought it possible at one time but here I am …in the light instead of the darkness…I wish you well …..Diane

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  4. My son-in-law of 43 committed suicide on April 14th by injecting himself with 4 vials of insulin. He broke his contract with his 9 year old son to be his father. My daughter is broken. My grandson is numb. Both have done some therapy since April, but the wound is deep and will take a lifetime to heal. Thank you for sharing your life journey. Consider yourself the Wounded Healer. Keep on writing. You are beautiful.

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  5. I am glad you are alive today – you are meant to be here. Suicide and the pain that leads to it are awful – I too have lost friends and myself attempted many times. Bless you, for your fighting spirit and for reaching out to others xxx

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