Take it Easy on Yourself

It seems lately that I am getting very upset with myself. Over the past few weeks (and before), I have said or done something that was silly or I have been tempted to use even a stronger word ….one which should not be used…’stupid’. I know that I have some cognitive dysfunction because of my MS, and because I know this I try really hard to think clearly in order that I don’t make any mistakes

And I guess that’s why it is most frustrating when in spite of this I continue to do so. The harder I try it seems, the more I miss something or say or do something that has caused me some grief or embarrassment. I’m not talking about anything life threatening or earth shattering, but never the less it is troublesome to me.

I thought I got rid of the ‘perfectionism’ in myself that plagued me in my personal and professional life for so many years, only to find out it has remained, although somewhat less prominent still prevalent in my mind.

I volunteer at our local hospital, and I am enjoying it, but trying to follow directions is more difficult and when I make the slightest error I beat myself  up over it. They aren’t big things that I do, but I forget or I overlook something that I tell myself I won’t do again and yet I do. The issues are easily rectified and I wish that I could just forget it, but I don’t….I brood about it and think that others must think I’m really not with it.

So, I’m back to why am I so worried about what others think? I guess one of the reasons is that I want to regain some of what I have lost over the past 20 years since I left employment due to the MS.  I’m remembering that I felt good when I worked. I had been raised with the (can’t think of the word I’m trying to)….anyway …that one should be conscientious and always give the best that you can. I had my mother as an example of what you should do when you are …in this case ..paid to do a job you’ve been hired to do and I always strived to not only do my best but unfortunately if I ever fell short, I was so disappointed in myself.

It’s not only with the volunteering but also with day-to-day things. It seems that I am not accepting of my deficiencies and that is wrong I know. We need to accept ourselves flaws and all as God does. He knows my heart and the feelings that I deal with and He most certainly loves me anyway. So who am I not to as well? Who am I to put my expectations higher than what God does?

You see, I know spiritually and logically that I should, but right now I’m not. I pray about it and at the time I receive release from the situation, but then I turn around and do it again. Even as I write this I think now of the scripture….”I do not do the things I want to do, …. and the things I do not want to do….I do”…..

It sometimes helps just to write out these things because I can see that I just must persevere and not judge myself or hold myself more accountable than God does.

I realize that I am probably not alone in these thoughts and that we all must be a little easier on ourselves.

16 thoughts on “Take it Easy on Yourself

  1. Dear Diane what an honest from your gut. post. You absolutely must take your own advice! In otherwords Relax and Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself.

    At the same time I must aplogise to you. I started back using the word myself this past yr and perhaps you picked it up because of that. At any rate my conscience was pricked when I read your post this morning– so I know I must apologise! You who are so dear to me–I would never hurt purposefully. Cindy Sent from my Verizon Wireless Device

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  2. You are right. It is very hard to be kinder to ourselves but we need to, and I hope that writing this out helped you. I wish you could see just how kind and caring and how accepting and tolerant you are of others – and you are so worth that treatment yourself. Chin up – you really are loved and cherished as you are xx

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      • Acceptance can be hard! But it’s so worth working on. I work on it every day too – I think it’s one of those things we have to constantly be doing until it becomes habit. I say things like “I accept this” to myself. “I accept that I feel angry at myself” for example – stops it right there, rather than me going on a long self-hating, self-recriminating rant at myself. It’s a really helpful tool that my case manager shared with me. xx

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  3. aww Diane – don;t beat yourself up.. easir said than done I know… I have a hard time accepting limitations because zi feel they take away from my abilities – well duh right? I wish I knew what to tell you.. you always have the words for me.. I see you are doing the same thing with the dropping words.. see how you just put it there that you couldn;t find the word and LOL at it? that was acceptance.. and hey this is who I am.. and forget the shoulds and stuff… feel what you feel and you seem to know what the thoughts are that cause the feelings… I don;t think God looks down on us if we, for a moment do not love ourselves the way he loves us… does he? certainly he isn;t judging..
    Chin up.. you re loved just the way you are… and however you are feeling.. thanks for sharing..:-)

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    • I do know that you understand…When I’m ‘logical’ I know it can’t be helped…it’s just at the time I do it I get angry with myself…no logic…I need to work on it…Thanks Lizzie for your lovely thoughts…Diane

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