Searching For Self – Poem – Memories

 

My Sister Catherine

My Sister Catherine

This is a poem from my ‘Memories’ series written for me by my sister Catherine  It was written when I was in my early 30’s and my children were small, and I was experiencing a time of stress and depression.  She understood my history, my desires for a family free of want of love or needs. She also understood what the ‘darkness of depression was like, as she had gone through a period of it as well. I cherish the feelings that she put into this poem for me. I will warn you that it is a bit long. She wrote what she believed about me and my challenges of life.

 

In the innocence of childhood,
She tread a weary path,
Deprivation and hunger,
Were constant companions,
Peppered with small joys,
Along the way,
Now and then, happy thoughts
Of love, gentle embraces
And wiping away of tears.
To soon, too knowing,
Then the sweet bloom of youth,
Shone on the horizon, bringing
A new kind of love,
First love, then true love…
And marriage.
Distant memories began to fade.
With contentment, magnificent
New Worlds opened now…
Then..marriage fulfilling,
And Sealing off all doubts,
And the fears of years gone by…
For a time,
The crowning glory of her life
Was born with motherhood,
Now she, the fears dispels in
Her Infants.
Her children do not want for food,
Love, necessities and much more
Belong to them.
The only fears they know are the
Natural fanciful imaginings
Of any child.
Quickly though are their doubts
Banished from their thoughts.
Each question answered, one by one,
By a loving mother,
Making sure they never feel alone,
For long,
Trying to ensure that insecurity,
Is an alien stranger
In their lives.
Her teenage years have
Long since passed,
As she enters a new threshold
Of her being.
Her children do not yet know
Or sense the awful turmoil,
Once again within her mind.
She questions her existence,
Her purpose and her destination.
She has seldom known,
The carefree feeling of a child,
Protected, nor a youthful time,
For discovery of herself,
Nor carefree roaming and yet,
Dreaming now and then,
There was no time along the way,
For frivolous indulgence,
Or in just anticipating.
She had to make her way and
Only rarely cast an envious
Glance at those around,
With secret longing to share
In their pursuits.
Wistful thoughts of college campuses,
The splendid proms and party dress.
They had the money and the time,
She knew, to charter their life’s course
In leisure, without care.
Barely thirty now,
She wearies,
As each day is faced
With longings yet unsatisfied.
Her thoughts run deep,
Questions race within her being,
As yet, no answer shows.
Despair grows great…
Although,
Even this she can’t indulge,

There is no time!

10 thoughts on “Searching For Self – Poem – Memories

  1. Powerful! I feel how much she cared for you, and how proud she was of you. I feel her sadness that she couldn’t do more to help you to get your darkest days. What a great gift she gave to you with this loving tribute.

    Russ

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  2. Thanks Linda…This particular sister C. has gone to be with the Lord..She was 63 when she died of cancer.She did indeed know me and love me well. I have only one sister left M.and I refer to her as my ‘angel on earth’ In my blog recently ‘And then there were 3’ I write about my siblings….and when I wrote about C.I mentioned her personality reminded me of 2 bloggers that I know…’you are one of them’…..Diane

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  3. I can certainly see why you cherish this poem. It’s one of the best poems I’ve ever read Diane. What a wonderful sister you have. Someoone who really knows you and understands you like no one else in the world. How comforting that must be to have her in your life! 🙂

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