To Some It’s a Happy Mother’s Day

Someone wrote a blog on the fact that for them it wasn’t a good day because of the fact their mother was not a ‘good mother’ and the fact that they had wanted children but have not been able to do so.

This got me thinking of others that have a difficult time with Mother’s Day and other holidays.

In the case of Mother’s Day, it can be for reasons stated above. Also there are the women who have not been able to find Mr. Right yet and so have not married, and feel as though they want to before having children.

In some cases there are mothers who for one reason or another cannot be with their children, and so perhaps are missing them and maybe don’t hear from them on this day. It must be really tough for them.

I have a friend who is not married but has tried to have children by invetro and donated sperm, but without success. She wanted so much to experience motherhood, but she is getting older and with that the chance of success dwindles.

Then there are the women who cannot celebrate their own mothers because not only were they not good mothers but abusive as well, and so negative feelings are brought forth with Mother’s Day.

This brings to mind another holiday ‘Valentine’s Day’. I know in particular one dear woman who this pains deeply, because there is not that ‘special person’ yet in her life to celebrate this with.  I would imagine there are many women and men like this in the world. The talk of what the special person or love of your life is going to surprise you with and all the advertising that goes along with it, for commercialization.

Christmas is the next holiday which for Christians is the most basic reason for celebrating and most joy is brought by this alone. But for some, all the fuss and fury that goes along with the celebrations, and gift giving and spending time with loved ones, can be a devastating time for many I would think as well. What if there are no loved ones still alive to celebrate this? What if you are in a nursing home and wait for someone in reality or in your memories who is not there to celebrate with? Then it can turn out to be a day of sadness instead of gladness.

So, while it is never going to change the fact that these days come along, we must think of those around us for whom it is not a happy time and try to be cautious and compassionate not to be ‘over zealous’ in our own joy of these days of celebration.

Just some thoughts…..

15 thoughts on “To Some It’s a Happy Mother’s Day

  1. You are right. There are so many people who have been left behind when it comes to celebrating holidays. It must be really hard for them, it’s more of a day just to “get through” . I think Mother’s Day would be especially hard for those who wanted to have chiclren but never got to. it’s best not to just assume everybody is in the same situation you are and like you said, be cautious and compassionate! 😀

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  2. I guess I can be a little insular where my celebrations are concerned because I have a wonderful mother and wonderful children of my own.

    But that wasn’t always the case. I remember crying the first couple of Mother’s Days after we found out we were infertile. We were waiting to adopt and it was uneasy to watch other mothers share so much joy.

    To those whose mothers were less than stellar, I want to offer this solution. There are women who are not your mother by birth that will gratefully “mother” you if you will let them. Please prayerfully consider this. My husband’s mother died two weeks after we were engaged. Kelly’s Aunt Melba was always close to him but after he was diagnosed with leukemia, she became his surrogate mother. We found out that all these years, she was just waiting for Kelly to reach out to her. She didn’t want to be intrusive.

    For all of you who are waiting to be mothers, please don’t give up. It took time for me (lots of it) but it happened. I could not love these kids anymore if I had carried them myself.

    For those of you who are motherless (by circumstance or by choice), reach out to someone. You just may find that they’ve been waiting for you all along. Sandy

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  3. Can’t forget those who do have children and are married or dating someone and find these people care little for them on either of these days. Unfortunately we live in a period of time when not al remember mom…my unnoticed mom video link, and who don’t remember their spouses or significant other on Valentines, much less the rest of the year. Even having others in your life can be lonely. What about all those moms in nursing homes who are left and forgotten by their families.

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  4. “then there are the women who cannot celebrate their own mothers because not only were they not good mothers but abusive as well, and so negative feelings are brought forth with Mother’s Day.”

    That is me. I just wrote a long post about it. It’s not easy.

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  5. Very true. I’ve been wishing women without children a Happy Mother’s Day for their motherly roles.

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  6. A very thoughtful post. I also try to be mindful that many of our holidays are not happy times for some – due to being alone, painful memories or thwarted hopes.

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