Since I started blogging…and doing several on the fact that I suffered for years…actually most of my life with depression..I’ve met so many people with similar stories, many of whom are still fighting the dreaded disease.
One thing that when I look back on those years, is the fact that my mind seemed never to be at rest or peace. It was always cluttered with things to do, things I haven’t done, things I ‘should’ do. I think that was the worst hindrance with the healing process. As a Christian I was always trying to talk with God, reason with God, pray to God. But so often all that would come to mind were those issues previously mentioned.
I seemed unable to function a great deal of the time because I couldn’t think clearly. Worrying about what people thought of me, what God thought of me and how disappointed He must have been with me.
Of course He knew exactly what I was going through and the reasons why. I know that if I could have just ‘rested’ more in Him and His unconditional love for me, I would have fared better than I did. There was always the striving for making myself to ‘smarten up’ and to snap out of it. The worst thing that you can say to yourself or for someone else to say to you…never-the-less we do!
Sometimes we need a good trained person to help us sort out some of the ‘garbage’ in our thoughts. In my case it was finally a doctor trained in ‘cognitive therapy’. Someone to tell me that my thinking was all of a negative nature, and to make me believe that I was not the only person in the world with the thoughts I was having. Someone to help me think and actually make notes in a journal each day to realize there were things in my life that were good…even if it was the smallest in nature. Perhaps time to have a nice cup of tea with my husband and just chat away….perhaps a call from one of our children just checking in to see how things were…perhaps a warm bath to soothe the tired and aching body…perhaps one of our pets laying beside me and just loving me unconditionally…perhaps seeing one of our grandchildren and having time in their innocence or in making me smile. The list got longer with time as I started to notice all the little things of life that there was joy to be found in.
And while I don’t speak much about God’s DEFEATED Adversary….Satan… don’t for a minute doubt that he uses the mind as a breeding ground for negativity and as a Christian ….he’s going to do his best to bring you ‘down’.
I guess to summarize if our mind is cluttered up with all kinds of wrong thoughts and expectations that are unreasonable, then you Spirit also will be affected and can affect your relationship with your Creator.