I’ve done a few blogs mentioning the depression that I endured for many many years of my life. Now in the past year the veil of depression has finally lifted. I’ve been not too bad for a few years, but still felt tied to the dreaded illness that plagued me.
The past few months I have been praying to see if there were other things I should be doing in life. I just felt that there was something.
I accepted a request during the past two elections..one federal and one provincial to work in our candidate’s office helping with the office work..answering phones, some computer work and then helping out on Election Day. This was definitely stepping out into the world again and offering myself up for ‘who knows what’??? But I managed okay, and then it was over and back to my routine and ‘comfort zone’.
Then a few weeks ago a friend who volunteered at the local hospital, when I told her I had often thought perhaps I’d like to do something like that….suggested she could give my name to the Volunteer coordinator. So I said with trepidation in my voice..”Sure”. A few weeks past and when not hearing anything ..I said to my husband something like..” Well, they probably saw that I had been into emergency on a couple of occasions a few years back.. regarding the taking of too many pills, and decided that they didn’t want someone unstable like I was etc etc “. And then I thought …just as well probably, and promptly forgot about it. Exit one idea!
Then two weeks ago I got a call from ..you know who…wanting to know if I was interested in volunteering. I quickly ran it through my mind ..in a matter of a couple of seconds and almost said no…not a good time right now. Surprising myself, I said yes, I was. She explained the process of a police background check, blood tests for certain things and a tuberculosis test. That in itself was a bit mind-boggling, but I said that I would pick up the necessary forms and do what was necessary.
Well, I’ve done it all and will be taking in the forms for her to check out and then beginning in May if all seems okay, I will be an official volunteer. I kinda laughed when getting the police background check done. I thought it would be my luck and ‘surprise’ if something turned up on it. While it provided me with a laugh, until I got the check done indicating that I did indeed have a clear background, I held my breath a little.
Okay, and so the we’re in church a couple of weeks ago and I see that there is a ‘scrapbooking’ session at the “Church the following Friday and Saturday. Now that is something in the past few years I had taken an interest in when I thought I needed something to do. I love taking and looking at pictures, because it brings back memories of times past with family and friends. Pictures were normally taken at good times so there were no bad memories associated with them….I digress… So I decide once again I will step out of my comfort zone and go somewhere there are people who I do not know, and do not know what to expect and yet I will go…and I did. It did feel funny at first because being an insecure person for most of my life, I am usually wary of the unknown. But I went and I conquered….one small step for mankind…I mean me!
I also started the blogging of course..should have started with that ….back in October 2011. I often had enjoyed writing poems strictly amateurish I assure you…but had done so off and on for many years. And then I heard about ‘blogging’ and thought..”that is something I think I would like to do…just write whatever I wanted for whatever enjoyment I could find” I didn’t know if anyone other than me would ever read any of it, but it didn’t really matter. Since I have been doing it and started reading others’ blogs I didn’t realize how much enjoyment that I would get from it. Meeting other people and finding out about their lives and ideas that they had …and actually finding others that could relate to where I have been for so many years of my life.
One of the worst aspects of depression is that you feel totally alone and that nobody understands what you’re going through. And that is true for a lot of people unfortunately…they don’t understand because they haven’t ‘been there’.
If any of what I have written or will write… will help anyone to feel less alone then I have accomplished something worthwhile. And that makes me feel happy!
I also started a devotional and meditation time with the Lord.