A ‘Post-Script’

'J' is far right side beside 'M' and us Myrtle Beach in May 2015

‘J’ is far right side beside ‘M’ and us Myrtle Beach in May 2015

Sadly, today the doctors pronounced my brother (in-law) “J’ was ‘brain dead’. There was irreparable damage done and so tomorrow, the life support will be taken off completely. He had many other medical issues previous to this fall, and so it not totally unexpected. He was 78 and had a full life, with a loving family. We spent many vacations, and holidays and regular visits with them, and so we will miss him greatly.

We’ve had our great-granddaughter here for a few days and are taking her to a special park tomorrow as promised.  Then Wednesday we will take her home, and on to see  my sister “M’ who I will stay with for a few days or as many as she needs.

Though I may occasionally sign on, it will not be often likely.

Thank you for all prayers…  Diane

Ecclesiastes 3 ……. There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the sun; a time to be born and a time to die……………………………….

I wrote this short poem as I thought about him.

There are people we know

Some who come and who go,

But some are an intricate part

Of our lives, and of our heart,

They accept us and love us

And give us their trust,

Their humour and smile

And personal style

Is a part of why they are loved

And what we are so proud of,

They are always right there

When we sometimes despair,

And a phone call away

Each and every day,

Their family of course

Is the primary source

Of love and concern and care………

Always willing and ready to share,

Nothing too great or too small

And what they would give to all,

Yes, some people we know

Are ready to show

Love, in word and in deed………..

To any and all who have need.

One special person who does all of this

My brother and friend, who we will all miss;

Though he’ll never be far away…………

He’ll be in our hearts, each and every day

 

With love to you ‘J’….. Diane xxxxxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

AWAY RIGHT NOW

I have been away yesterday and will be again today and unknown thereafter for a few days. We had to go and see my brother-in-law J. and my sister M. J was admitted to hospital in ICU as he had a cerebral hemorrhage from another fall he took last week. He is currently in an induced coma to try and get the bleeding to stop in/around the brain.

Today he will have another ct scan to see if there are any changes for good or otherwise. If nothing really is different than they will try to take him slowly off the support and see how or if he is able to be aroused or reactive, and of course another ct I believe.

I’m only able to pop in from time time to scroll through notifications to see if there is anything urgent, but not really able to take time to read or comment much.

For those who pray, I’d appreciate them. He may not recover and so I covet prayers for my sister M. and family. At this point he is in God’s hands.

Thanks,  Diane xx

Just as I am!

Today’s assignment for Blogging 101 is to create a new feature for my blog. Some things suggested are:

  • A weekly photo post (or even better: a weekly photo gallery post).
  • A monthly Q & A with one of your blogging buddies.
  • A Music Monday, featuring the song that rocked your weekend.
  • A Flavor Friday dedicated to the recipe you experimented with over the previous week.

It’s also suggested that one should try to post on a regular basis.

This is one task that I really can’t do, not to be stubborn or inflexible, but only because when I began blogging I wanted to be able to write whatever was on my mind or heart, whenever I felt led to do so. For me to be concerned about posting a certain number of times a week, or to include concepts or other things that are just not ‘me’…. would just make me too intense and would take away the natural aspect that I have had since I ventured into this wonderful world of blogging.

I must say that I have enjoyed taking part in Blogging 101, last day today unless we choose to do a weekend assignment. I have learned several things and one of the most enjoyable was redoing the theme and widgets etc. of my blog site.

Those at WordPress who gave support were really kind and encouraging throughout these past three weeks.

It was great to interact with others as well who were participating…. some very new bloggers. For these people, some of the suggestions of today will be good ideas to get them started.

I think for me though, that I will have to stick with my concept of what I wanted to blog about, even though it may not be very original or different!

Thank you to those who read what I do write, even though every post is not always of interest to everyone, and that’s okay too!  

I guess I’ll stay ‘Just as I Am”………… Diane

Dear Depression

Day 13 of Blogging 101 is to pick a blogging event from the Community Event Listings, and participate in the next round. I actually didn’t know about this aspect of WordPress. In any case I chose the topic of writing the topic of depression, found at ‘Dear Depression’.

Dear Depression,

You invaded my life and my family’s lives for far too many years. I didn’t invite you in, but you were like a thief in the night and before I knew what was even happening, you were just waiting! Early in our marriage you determined to look for a way to begin your lies and deceit. When we had our first child, you took a gift given to us and decided right then and there to grab hold of me. The fatigue that happens when parents are new, and the baby doesn’t sleep much, was your opportunity to strike, and you did. Many tears for longer than should have lasted, because it began a process of doubting my abilities as a mother, wife and a person.

Early on, you didn’t always stick around for too long at a time, and I would get a false sense of security, only to have it shattered time after time as you lurked in the shadows of my mind.

I fought you and pushed you aside whenever possible, but each time you appeared it was for longer and longer you stayed. There were so many doctors, psychiatrists, therapists, medications and hospital stays from time to time. And then one year I felt like I was losing the battle, and despaired of life itself. The world and my family would be better off without me, and so on a couple of occasions I thought perhaps I should do something to leave everyone in peace, and that I would also be free!

However, intervention took place that saved my life that year, though it was a great strain on everyone who loved me. For a number of years, while your presence was still felt from time to time I was able to function more than in the past. There were still doctors, and medications and to be quite honest I thought you would be present in my life forever.

Then I met a doctor who took care of my physical needs, who also asked me to participate in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and who was a Christian and also prayed for me. This doctor had so much patience and cared very much, and was able to take me from the past with all the years of clouded thoughts into the present, to challenge all the lies and doubts you had me believing all those years. And you know what happened don’t you? Within a matter of a couple of years with this doctor, and with God’s help, I was free from bondage.

So, you see you didn’t have the last laugh; I did… because there has been freedom now for many years, and you ‘depression’ don’t live here anymore.!!!

Note:  There is hope for anyone who suffers from mental illness and in this particular aspect, depression. I was able to still raise our family of three children, along with my husband and they said, that while I’m sure they knew from time to time, Mommy wasn’t feeling well, they said they never doubted that I loved them. They are of course all adults now with grown children of their own. And they all turned out pretty darn good… if I do say so myself!

 

 

 

A SECOND THOUGHT.. OR IS IT THIRD?

Today’s assignment for Blogging 101 was varied in choices, and for various reasons I will be doing the latter one.  To revisit a comment I made on a blog today, and do a post furthering the subject and comment I made. I hope that doesn’t totally confuse you.

Anyway, the comment I am furthering is one I made on JMGoyder and her post Happenstance and Happiness. Her thoughts on the fact you can’t buy or negotiate happiness. If you have a few moments, you can follow the link above and read her thoughts.

My comment was in agreement, and the fact that if we concentrate so much on being happy we can actually over-think it. Just to expound it a bit further; if we seek and chase after ‘things or people’ that we think will bring us happiness I believe we’re missing the point of life. Isn’t life after all full of all kinds of feelings; joy, sadness, sorrow, excitement, hurt, depression even. I remember during the times of depression that haunted me for many years. It came and went for most of my adult life. There were times that the word ‘happy’ drove me deeper into the darkness  that enveloped me. Being amongst those who looked, sounded and just ‘were’ happy, caused me to look for the nearest escape.

I think happiness is evolved from dealing whatever life brings along, and to perhaps find those moments in time where we can recognize that we’re not always going to be happy, and that’s okay.

Some days I think we find ourselves with a smile on our face, and with a feeling of contentment in the midst of  and in spite of, whatever challenge we may be facing…. and that’s okay. It’s life isn’t it?

And I think that was the original blogger’s conclusion, with which I agree!

D.P. Might as Well Jump or ‘Not’

Today’s assignment for Blogging 101 is to select a ‘Daily Post Prompt’ and write about it. I chose this one.

Prompt: What’s the biggest risk you’d like to take — but haven’t been able to? What would have to happen to make you comfortable taking it?

I tried to think about some risk; actually any risk that I’d like to take and really couldn’t.

Throughout my life I suppose I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone on occasion, but I’m not a big ‘risk taker’. I’ve lived my life facing many adversities, with depression, multiple sclerosis and other medical issues, loss of loved ones and in general I guess all of the various trials any person or family faces in life.

Some I would suppose consider that it is rather boring not to take a risk of some kind,  not adventurous at all.  My life has been anything but boring, with lots of drama but also lots of joy. From the moment that we were married and had our three children and then grandchildren and not to be forgotten our one great-granddaughter, life has not been dull. Learning to be parents is full of surprises and pitfalls. We kept very close the handbook of parenting;  Dr. Spock… not the Dr. Spock of Star Wars… but the renown Pediatrician of our generation and his ‘Baby and Childcare’. If the baby’s crying and we can’t figure out why, look it up in his book; if he’s got a suspicious rash look it up to see if we should be taking him to the doctor or emergency. I lost count I think of how many times we thought he had measles or chicken pox…. but alas it was only a heat rash.  I should note that in retrospect Dr. Spock was not always right, but in the moments of  sheer terror that we as new parents sometimes felt, he was the ‘port in the storm’. Ahh yes, I remember it so well!

Although my husband and I have differences in our personalities, the one thing we do have in common is that neither of us are fond of taking risks. We weren’t afraid to step out in faith different times in our marriage; everyone has to make decisions, but if there was any chance that something had an element of not being in the best interest of us as a family, we just didn’t do it.

The security of everyone’s well being and safety was paramount in our lives, and still is. Maybe we missed out on some opportunities, but when I look back on our lives……. it’s okay; we’re content and we’ve been blessed!

 

I Know That You’re Listening –

Our Son's cottage (still need to learn a lot)

Our Son’s cottage
(still need to learn a lot)

I know that You’re listening

And how much you care

An answer is waiting

I know that it’s there

Please lead me to where

I will find the relief

Give clear direction

I have the belief

There are things to sort out

Information to find

Lord help to locate it

To ease my mind

I’m just so weary

Please help me I pray

And show me the answer

I seek You today.

Note: I still have a few medical issues to be sorted out…. but the one that is wearing me down is the ‘Tinnitus’. It sounds like such a somewhat irrelevant condition, but the constant high pitch in my left ear right now, is altering my feelings of well-being…’greatly’. I did get a hearing aid as previously mentioned, and had hoped that it might work to mask the tinnitus (noise in my ear).  I have tried two different kinds, with different sounds, but so far it seems that they don’t work. For many with this condition they do. I’m going back likely next week to see if there are any other options, but am somewhat disheartened at this point.!

I have researched online ‘to the tenth degree’, and have found a couple of possibilities that there could be another physical condition that my be affecting or causing the tinnitus to be worse. One is TMJ (Temporal Mandibular Joint), in that the joint in the jaw may be misaligned or something. Since at some point when I have made certain movements with my jaw, the condition is somewhat relieved, I’m pursuing that option next week.  There may be something that can be done, if that is the case. Also magnesium is suggested as a supplement. I need to investigate that.

Anyway, each day is a struggle from the moment I wake up, as the ringing begins. There is relief when I lay down and sleep, and for that I am very grateful.

I know some of you have been praying for me, and I would ask that if you do you would ask for clear direction to find the cause and treatment or even cure for this issue.  Thanks so much   Diane xx