A Year ‘plus’ in Review

This past year ‘and more’ has been really tough. Yesterday I was just mentally trying to sort why I have been so discombobulated, and put it down to the issues over this period of time.

I haven’t been active much on my blog, on Facebook or even painting. My mind is just on overload I guess.

There has according to an estimate I quickly did of 80 plus appointments between my husband and I; some of which included procedures or surgery. There have been three deaths in the family, and the attempt to support my sister as one was her husband.

There is still this extreme fatigue which to this point has not resolved. It is believed to be the Multiple Sclerosis type, that I experienced prior to being diagnosed back in 1991, and while at times I have been tired it has not been like this until this past 6 months or so. I’ll see a neurologist the end of this month, hopeful that perhaps there will be some medication to alleviate it. While I function and am not physically severely debilitated, it is like going through a fog each day.

If I could relieve it by sleep I would, but unfortunately I can’t; but when I can, just close my eyes and rest my head. I do sleep at night but only because of some medication to help.

There is also one other issue with eating, as basically I have hardly any motility in my esophagus so food gets stuck. Again I will see a specialist but not for a few months as there is a wait.

I feel like my motivation and clarity of thought to do much of anything, is just a void right now. I want to write, but not always about my problems, so hence the lack of blogging right now.

I wish I could do the proverbial ‘snap out of it’. As most of you realize that is not the answer; it’s not as simple as that.

Having said all of that, I know many of you are going through issues of your own. I do think of my friends here in the blogging community, and will be striving to become more involved when I can.

I hope to squeeze in some posts when able to do so, hoping that it might be more a more enlightening subject than just ‘me’.

Take care…. Diane

 

 

 

A-Z Challenge ‘Just’……. not me

JWell, as I’ve tried to do this challenge though unofficially, I’ve found that writing for ‘just’ writing’s sake, is not for me. Since I began blogging in 2011 my premise has been that I would write about whatever I was feeling or interested in, and not worry about stats or followers or a theme.

Each day since I began doing the challenge, I’ve found that instead of writing what’s on my mind or heart, I’m trying to think of something worthwhile to write about, beginning with the letter of the day.

At least I’ve reminded myself of why I wanted to write a blog; when I thought maybe what I wrote would be of interest to others, and at the same time give me satisfaction.

So, even though I feel like I’m ‘quitting’… maybe because I am,  I’m ‘just’ going to write when and if I feel led to do so!

I hope that the next post I do will be one that is more than just words, but a thought, an idea,  or at least something that I really feel is a result of the reason I began blogging in the first place, and not just because I have to!

(Diane)

A-Z Challenge ‘Inaccurate”

OOPS… .As you can see from what I wrote below, it is ‘I’naccurate’ as today’s letter is ‘I’ and not ‘H’… blame it on the headache…But it will have to do  (ha !!!!)

II was trying to think how I would write a blog tonight because I have a bad headache.. and then I became aware that the letter today was ‘H”.. hence my very short post!

I don’t often get headaches, but it’s been a busy few days and this week I need to do all the things that one does when getting ready to go away on a trip.

One of the issues health wise that I’ve been dealing with however, is just this great overwhelming fatigue that has been plaguing me for months. The doctor and I are both in agreement that it is likely from the Multiple Sclerosis. Some of you may know that while I have M.S. it is not seriously debilitating to me. I can walk, though my balance is off, and my legs feel like lead and I have some cognitive issues relating to memory and some issues with overheating in the sun etc.

However, this fatigue is reminiscent of the time previous to the diagnosis being made. For two years beforehand, I had various symptoms but this fatigue was the most troublesome. It’s the kind where sleep doesn’t happen; just the heavy head and fatigue that just affects everyday life.

My doctor is trying me on some different medications, but also sending me back to a neurologist just to see if there is anything else to try.

Anyway,  this particular headache makes this post very short tonight……

A-Z Challenge ‘Honesty’

HOkay just to begin; I made an ‘honest mistake’ when I began this challenge. I really didn’t read about it when I discovered another blogger and friend said she was doing the A-Z challenge. I should have realized that each challenge does have various rules associated with it. I just zoned out, and didn’t read them. So I am an unofficial and unregistered participant.

I had thought this would be a good way to get back into regular blogging. I suppose that it really doesn’t matter though and at this time I won’t backtrack, but instead just follow the general idea of blogging on a subject relating to the alphabet. Today being ‘H’ I decided to come clean!

Honesty is a quality that has always been important to me. Trust comes from knowing that you can believe in someone. It also means that others can expect it from you.

Of course that doesn’t always mean you have to be brutally honest, if by doing so someone’s feelings may be hurt. There is wisdom in knowing how to be truthful, but not hurtful. I could give examples but I think that most of us know of those times.

I must say that I don’t react well when I find out someone has lied. I do tend to dwell on it too much in many cases. The strange thing is that often people will lie when they don’t have to, but they find it easier than telling the truth; or they don’t want to face a barrage of questions they imagine will be asked if they do.

Honesty is one of the most important qualities of any relationship………… even in the blogging community; hence my confession today… ha!

 

 

A-Z Challenge ‘Grace’

GWhen I thought of something I might write about beginning with ‘G’, my thoughts went to the word ‘Grace’. I wrote a blog  back in 2013 about this subject, and so I hope you don’t mind but I’m using that post here today.

GRACE (noun)

I once thought I’d write a book although have since realized it is not within me to do so, but I thought it would be of our family, and emphasizing the woman,  ‘my mother’ who raised us. There were 10 of us and unfortunately she didn’t receive much help from our father for reasons I won’t go into. I have written much of her in the past, because she worked so hard for so long, but I felt she always had such a ‘grace’ in her being and near the end of her life I believe she lived…in an ‘Age of Grace’ which would have been the title to my book. Here is my humble submission albeit an amateur level poem.

She smiled at me with certain love

?????????????????????????

My Mother with the ten of us.. I am the youngest

I rested in her care

The moments and the days went by

She had so much to bear..

 

Many children now totaling ten

To love and to protect

She worked so hard each day because

That’s what one would expect.

 

As years went by, she seldom rests

There was so much to do

Her strength ne’er waned, she carried on

Her loved remained as ever true.

 

Then came a time which always does

As older she became

Her family now had to learn

To look after her the same..

 

They helped her as she realized

Old age she had to face

But all her children saw in her

Was this woman full of grace.

A-Z Challenge – Faith

A-Z. letter FOn many of my posts I allude to the fact that I’m Christian, and so today since the letter is ‘F’ I thought I might write about my ‘faith’.

While I grew up with the knowledge of God, and that He loved me, and my mother was a Christian and taught us to pray; and I went to Sunday School, it wasn’t until much later in life that I  fully understood what it meant to believe in God.

I believe that God  is always waiting for that moment; the right time for the realization of what it means. I went to Church, I prayed, I believed, but there was a moment of the beginning of a search for more knowledge. More than believing in God; and I received a little nudge to start looking further………….

One day while going to work very early, as I worked for communications at a hospital and had to be in by 7 am; I was about 5 minutes away, and at a stop street. I saw a man and noticed he was a member of the Salvation Army. He had just gotten out of a car going in the opposite direction, where it seemed he had received a ride. For some reason I waited till he crossed in front of me, and then he waved to indicate he was looking for a ride in my direction.

I must say, that I absolutely ‘never’ gave rides to hitch hikers previous to this time or since, but I had to make a quick decision.  It was a blizzard and  it was so early with little traffic, and so I asked him where he was going. He said if I could just give him a lift to the next main intersection, which was just past where I was headed; he would really appreciate it.

He had only been in the car for a couple of minutes, when he asked me if I knew where I was going when I died. I thought to myself; boy is he ever direct! But I answered him, and said that I hoped I was going to heaven. He said I didn’t have to ‘hope’, but I could ‘know’. He asked me if I would read a chapter from John, that night, and that he would say a prayer for me that day. I said that I would, and then dropped him off.

I couldn’t forget my promise to him and that night I read the chapter he suggested, and that was the ‘light bulb’ moment, to coin a current phrase.

From that time, I read and searched and asked questions, and came to the truth and the knowledge that once we accept that Christ was the son of God, and died on the cross for all people, all our sins are forgiven and I could ‘know’ and not just ‘hope’ that I would go to heaven.

I think for all of us the timing varies… but for me it was when a man, who asked me boldly a question, and gave me the place to find the answer… in the Word of God… the Bible.

One of the first paintings I did, when I started painting 2 years ago.....

One of the first paintings I did, when I started painting 2 years ago…..