So Many Going Through So Much

Most that follow me know of my limited involvement right now in blogging. I am so hoping to get reactivated as a regular participant, and reader of so many of your wonderful posts.  There just has been one thing after another going on, and my concentration level and energy and time, has been scattered. Some issues I hope soon will be eased in my mind and I will be able to move forward.

When I think though of the issues in my life, I am so aware that others have so much more to bear than what I do. For some it is health, both physical and emotional; others perhaps a relationship or other hardship.

There are those whose issues are critical , and who have very low support from others in their lives; and a couple who need that love and support so badly. Without a break-through, their lives will continue to be at an almost unbearable level. I say ‘almost’ because they have been enduring these conditions of every day.

Having a history of depression for most of my adult life, (free of it for many years now though); I can so identify with the hopelessness that they feel most of the time. It is so daunting to want to give something more than words.

Words of encouragement can help I believe, but words sometimes are just that….. ‘words’. (forgive my over-use of words)

For me, my faith that I put in God has been literally my ‘salvation’, because when all else failed, I had that. When Jesus walked on earth for 33 years, he felt every kind of hurt, betrayal, physical and emotional abuse, and that’s what I realized every time I felt so many of those things.

However, even having been raised in a Church with those beliefs, some have still been hurt, and so what can I give?

I guess that something a speaker this week at church; born in a mid-eastern country, who was taught that Christians were ‘evil’…. said;  that the reason he changed his mind and accepted Christ; was that by the actions and the love he saw and received, it was evidence that his preconceived and learned prejudice and even hate…. was wrong. He had been raised very harshly and had never experienced this kind of ‘love and acceptance’.

So… all that to say; I guess for now, all I can do is continue to support, pray for and give ‘words’… but in those words may they instill  that which is so necessary…………….. ‘HOPE’ !

 

 

 

FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS….

Coming from a family of 10, I have seen the interaction of a lot of different families and their relationships with one another; myself included.

Each person born has their individuality. I think that some aspects or traits, are adapted from our parents or those who raise us, especially during the formative years; however we develop our own personalities based on so many factors.  As a Christian I believe we are unique and are born with various feelings, attitudes and sensitivities.

We can be born within the same family, but all be different in our nature. Having said that, being born into a family of 10.. me the youngest; even though each of us were very different in so many ways, we all had the same view about unconditional love… because our mother demonstrated it to all.

Sometimes though there were times, that love was fractured or tested but like gold goes through the refining process, so did the relationship. Family ties by nature are the strongest… but can also be the most heart-breaking when something goes awry. It has always seemed to me when that happens, both of the individuals or family, wait for the other one to admit ‘they’ are wrong, and then just maybe they’ll forgive them. I’ve seen so much heartache, many tears and a lot of sadness when this happens. Why is it so hard to talk things out? Why are these people that have been an intricate part of our lives, expendable?

I would suspect ‘pride’ is lurking, hardness of heart present, and a sense of always being right; as though somehow that is a reason to dismiss someone from your life. Communication is the only answer!  Second to that… maybe it should be first, but ‘forgiveness’ is key; just forgiving whatever each one feels the other has done. Sometimes relationships get so mixed up, it’s like scrambled eggs that really can’t be unscrambled; we just have to go on!

And if you let God into all of it… he can help…. He’s the only one I know that can ‘unscramble the eggs’!

I’ll interject here, just to say that I know there are those who don’t know what a loving, forgiving, unconditional love from a parent is like. That can so injure a child emotionally, and  knowing some who have been through this, I realize that it takes strength, motivation and hard work to experience the healing that is needed.

Anyway… my thoughts!

 

Those Days and Weeks After…………….

M & J at their 50th Anniversary party a few years ago

M & J at their 50th Anniversary party a few years ago

A & R taken a couple of years ago

A & R taken a couple of years ago

Some of you who follow will know that there have been two close family members who have died in the past few months. One of them “J” was my sister M’s husband, and the other, one of my nieces  “A” who was just 52.

There are also other bloggers who have had to deal with losses of their husband in the past couple of years, and even others with close family or friends.

There have been many losses that have occurred in my lifetime; the older you get there are bound to me more…. I’m the last of 10 children in our family; and I have seen 5 siblings succumb to cancer and 2 to other causes. My mother’s passing though it was over 25 years ago was such a tremendous loss, as we were so close.

I guess the purpose of this post, is to serve perhaps as a reminder that those who are hurting the most, with the loss of a loved one, need to know that all the comfort and support given during the week or so with visiting, phone calls and then the memorial service, will be sustained in the days, weeks and even months ahead.

There is no ‘level of grief, but in the case of a husband, wife, partner, child, or other close family member, the need is the greatest I believe. It’s so easy and even perfunctory to offer support and anything that will be needed in the days following the service. The words are said so easily, and are meant sincerely at the time, but following through is another thing. I guess most people think that the person grieving, will call if they need help or support, and of course then we will help……….. but will we always do that…….. can we always do that?

From my observations, it is very difficult for that person to call and ask for support or help. Sometimes they just want to cry or talk about the ways in which they miss the person, the things they loved about the person. In some cases they don’t want to feel like the ‘fifth wheel’ .. the odd one out, when they feel like getting out with others that may all be ‘couples’.

With that in mind I have been trying to be there for my sister since ‘J’ passed away… and also it came to my mind last night to call my nephew “R”  who just lost his wife. I think it’s common perhaps to have the first thought, that maybe they won’t want to talk; maybe they’ll feel we’re intruding in their grief and they’d rather just be left alone. But when he answered the phone he was so glad I’d called, and he did speak of some of the ways and reasons he missed his wife so much… little things but important to him. He said he’d come by in the next while, when he was in the area; he lives about an hour away.

Anyway, I’m just sharing some thoughts as I do

As an aside; I’m still not back fully to blogging because of still some issues that we’re dealing with for which I hope will all resolve, and trying to spend more time with ‘M’ right now when she most needs it. I’m so sorry that I’m not caught up reading your posts…. I hope to soon!   …………………. Diane

A Time of Sweet Memories – Poem

Today, we had to say good-bye to one of our nieces; a young woman (52) challenged in life but who had an indomitable spirit. While she had many reasons to shake her fist at what could be perceived at so many seemingly injustices,  she simply faced each one and stayed the course. You can read if you like a post I did here in October, when she discovered the spread of the cancer.

There were so many people who attended today… a legacy of her life.

I wrote a short poem and read it today, in her memory!

Annette with Rob four-002

She lit up the room wherever she was

Her smile warmed the hearts of all

It matters not whether we were family or friend

We all have our memories to recall

I remember when her sister got married

She was just a young girl but so sweet

When the dinner was over and time to dance

She danced ‘Uncle Wally’ off of his feet

I remember the Mustang convertible

A gift from Rob on the day she turned 50

Shiny and beautiful, and brought so much joy

And sure made her feel very ‘nifty’

For Rob and her sons, her heart was so full

Of love, adoration and care

There was nothing that she wouldn’t do for them

Not anything she wouldn’t share

And while this is a time of sadness for all

Who knew her and loved her so much

Her smile and her spirit will always remain

In the lives of those she has touched.

 

For my darling niece, Annette with love

Aunt Diane xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

Reality… That’s Life !

Hi, I haven’t been very active during the past couple of months, as those who follow me likely know. I’m going to try to start posting again at least with some regularity, but probably only a couple of times a week… I’ll just have to see. I have missed the contact and interaction with my blogging friends. Hopefully, I’ll get caught up also with what’s going on with all of you.

Last night I was just thinking about the challenges in life, as we all have them…. but that’s life isn’t it? The reality of living brings with it so many things. The challenges or problems or whatever word you want to use, also brings many blessings too. I don’t like to dwell on the negative aspects, without realizing that all of what happens in our lives brings us to where we are today.

Being retired and getting older gives one a perspective on the earlier years that have passed. Sometimes, I just want to tell those younger, not to spend time on worrying about how much money they think they need, or the size of their house or all the ‘things’ of life. I want to tell them that people, relationships, hope, forgiveness and really communicating with the ones they love; is where they will find their treasures.

Recently, when we were in the emergency department of the hospital, the nurse who was giving my husband an ECG asked how long we had been married, and when my husband said 52 years, she asked what she thought was the main reason was that he thought made it last. My husband said that quite simply was hard work; that the couples of today have difficulties instead of trying and working at it, they simply feel there is someone else maybe who they won’t have any problems with, and they just give up and move on! Of course nine times out of ten, they will still have similar issues. I don’t think there is ever a ‘perfect’ marriage. When I am asked the same question, my answer is usually that there are two main (not only) but main traits that are important; forgiveness and communication. Maybe that sounds too simplistic and of course there are a lot of things that are necessary, but when I recall certain times of friction in our marriage, those two things were lacking somewhere… at least for a time. Being Christian also, does not automatically create the always loving and ideal person…. we’re broken and frail, just like everyone else; the only difference is that while God doesn’t deal with perfect people…. because they’re aren’t any, He loves us anyway!

Well, in order not to make this too long for the first real post in a while, I’ll leave it there. Hoping to get back into the swing of things again, even slowly but surely.

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Celebration on Another New Year’s Eve – Poem

NY Islanders His favourite team

NY Islanders
His favourite team

Jeff

CELEBRATION ON ANOTHER NEW YEAR’S EVE

 

Memories of that night some years ago

Are stirred within my heart and soul

Moments in time, and hope within

Joy and happiness to extol.

This child of ours would be many things

Mischievous, cute, funny and more

With love for his family and friends

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J.A. at his 50th Birthday Party

J.A. on the day he was born

J.A. on the day he was born

Wrapped up in a bundle of joy to adore.

On New Years’ Eve 50 years ago……….

I looked at this child, this gift from God

He was so tiny, so wonderfully made

And vowed that I would care and love

And from that day have always prayed…….

That he would grow to be the man

The Lord intended him to be

Today I think that God would be pleased

With who he is, to you and me!

For J. A. on his 50th birthday

December 31, 2015

Love Mom xxxxx

 

Merry Christmas to All – Poem

Who Is This Child

Who is this child called Jesus

Will He be in your home this year

Will He be a part of your day

Part of your Christmas cheer?

As you wrap up all the presents

To give to those you love

Will He be one you give to them

That brings peace from God above?

For that’s what Christmas is you know

Beyond the gifts, and Christmas tree

The kiss beneath the mistletoe

Whatever it will be….

Enjoy the turkey or the ham

And gladness on this Christmas ‘eve’

I wish you joy, I wish you love

And of course the peace…. When you believe!

Merry Christmas and Love

Diane xxx