I Can’t Believe this is Number 500

When I started blogging in November 2011, I didn’t know what to expect. Well, perhaps I would meet one or two people that were somewhat like-minded and I could write back and forth. I also thought that perhaps if I wrote about some of my struggles with depression, maybe it would help someone else.  Never did I imagine what lay ahead. But that’s not what I want to write about today. In fact as I write this first paragraph I’m still unsure of what to write about in this my 500th post. I’ll take a few minutes to think about it…. Okay I’ve thought about it.

As my husband ‘W’ and I watch the news each day, and tonight a documentary that involved a terror attack a few years ago, we thought about the current state of the world in several countries, and one in particular. But I’m not going to go into all of that either.

Instead, I’d just like to say that while there are wars outside of the country, and violence in our own country, wherever that is, there is also much goodness, kindness and joy. We can’t bury our head and pretend bad things aren’t happening, but we can choose not to let all of it color our perception of life itself and the people around us. There is joy in watching our children, grandchildren and even great-grandchildren learn and grow. I don’t ever want to be complacent in watching them play and laugh and love. Children learn how to love by what they see in the adults around them. We need to teach them how to treat others…… how to be kind and unselfish.

Rylee doing Gymnastics

Rylee doing Gymnastics

Our 5 year old great-granddaughter visited us this summer for a few days, and while she was here it was a joy to watch her as she drew pictures and colored them and told the story of what they meant. Since I have been painting lately, I thought I would let her do her own, but since it was early I wasn’t quite ready. Every few minutes she would ask if it was time yet, and after a few times I said okay!

I set up a little easel and small canvas for her with the paint I use, and not children’s paint. I did this to make her feel special hopefully, and to just let her have fun. One day she painted a picture of the sky, and sun and two butterflies. The next day I was showing her a picture of a bird that I was thinking of painting, and she wanted to do the same one. It had multiple colors and she asked me to draw the bird and then she would paint it.  I showed her how to mix some colors and she painstakingly tried to keep all of them the same as in the picture.

Rylee with her face painted

Rylee with her face painted

She was about three quarters of the way done, and she put the brushes down and her arms at her side and then said “I’m really tired”. So I suggested that she put her name on the painting and said it was beautiful and asked her what she was going to do with it. She said “I’m going to give it to Daddy”….note: she doesn’t live with her Daddy but sees him every other weekend and some miscellaneous days but was going to see him shortly. She knows she is loved by her Mommy and her Daddy.

Rylee and Mommy

Rylee and Mommy

What a smile she brought to me as she sat beside me and concentrated so hard and then as she simply said “I’m really tired”. The honesty and simplicity of a child!

So yes, there are many wars, disasters and there is a lot of sadness and illnesses around. Many reading this have situations in their lives that are tough things to be dealing with. I don’t want to minimize this fact or say that they don’t affect us and understandably so.

I guess I’m just saying that we need to remember to ‘let the sunshine in’ whenever we can, and try not to be overwhelmed at the shadows or darkness of this life. (note to self also) I am thankful for the sunshine in my life; Rylee….other family, friends, and of course… God.

This was a bit long, hope you don’t mind but thanks for reading, and thanks for so much support over this past year especially.



A Legacy of Love

When I was growing up I did not have a father in my life. I was the last of ten children and by the time I was born my father had left the home. I really missed not having him in my life.

While I did not have a dad, my husband became the father I would have wanted.

When I married ‘W’ and then had our children we determined how we would raise them. Not that we knew all that lay ahead,  but basically that they would be respectful and ‘likeable’.

Jim Jeff Kim Mom and Dad kids youngFrom the time our first child was born he was a father who would change a diaper, or do basically anything I needed help with. They grew up knowing they could depend on their father because he was always there for them.

He taught them how to work hard for the things they wanted in life and how to face disappointments.



Most of all he taught them that no matter whatever happened, he loved them unconditionally and that he would never stop loving them……………….  just as God loves us.

He has given them a legacy of love, that they will pass on to their children.





Wistful Thoughts and Reflective Moments

I guess I have two sides to my personality; the one that is content with life, and goes about the tasks of each day doing the necessary things.

Then there is the emotional, wistful part of me who while content in general, has feelings deep inside about issues which I sometimes have no control over, and for which in the quietness of the day or evening these reflective moments come. During the busyness of each day, these feelings are pushed to the recesses of my mind, only to resurface each day.


I feel that I should keep these thoughts to myself most times, although I do on occasion share how I’m feeling. This can be anything from wondering if we’re ever going to feel well, to wondering if we should move again, or to our family and the various issues facing them and us.  Our children of course are adults as are our grandchildren for the most part. Two of them are teens but the others are in their twenties or thirties. Our influence in our children’s lives was done during the years of raising them, but now we can only look on and while we would sometimes like to see them with more of an emphasis on the spiritual side of life, we can only pray. They are so busy ‘living life’ …. work and then the social aspects.  I’m not saying that they don’t think about God, but He is kind of on a shelf right now, to be taken down when there is a specific need.

Did we act somewhat the same way when we were younger? Yes of course we did, but we were perhaps more aware of  the realities of life earlier than seems to be the case with this generation.

Why do we have to be older before we think less of the sometimes superficial things of living and concentrating on ‘things’, instead of what is perhaps most important…. our spiritual being. I’m not suggesting for a moment that we don’t have fun or be interested in other things… just to have our priorities in the right order. There is a reason we are in this world; a purpose for each of us but so often we don’t really think of that during those very busy years.

The one blessing we have in this, is that God is very patient with us …….He watches, I’m sure shakes His head at some of what we do, but He waits until that time when we finally acknowledge Him, and then He smiles !!!

Will You Be My Friend ?

This past week one of our large television stations in Ontario, did a story on the predators that surf the social media sites such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and others.

While I knew this type of situation occurred I didn’t realize the enormity of it.

I am familiar with Facebook and not so much with the other ones. I know that weekly I receive requests from someone wanting to be my ‘friend’. However, if I don’t recognize the name of the person, I will go to their profile page just to ensure that for some reason I perhaps do know them but have forgotten because it was a long time ago that we had contact. If I find that I do not know them I of course ‘decline’ their invitation.

Unfortunately young people do not bother for the most part to do that. They blatantly accept any request. I think somehow it’s like a status symbol for many in that the more friends the better. When I checked three of my grand children’s sites, one had over 300, one over 500 and one over 800 ‘friends’.

In the story the mother of a 12 year old boy became suspicious when her son’s behavior became different than normal and so one day she decided to check his Facebook site, and questioned one of his ‘friends’. It seemed the conversation that had been going on was too explicit, and decided to call the police. She told her son and he was adamant that this friend was a 14 year old girl, and thought his mother was wrong in her belief.

When the police looked at his site, they knew that they were dealing with a predator right away and proceeded to ‘take over’ the boy’s account for the next month or so. They finally arranged so the other person wanted to meet the ‘boy’ and proceeded to do so. The investigation finally came to a conclusion and it was found that it was a 38 year old man who happened to be a teacher at the school that the boy attended. It also happened that several other students at the school were also interacting with the same teacher on Facebook.

I won’t go into all the facts, only that at the home of this man they found 18 computer hard drives, 9500 pictures and 2000 movies, many pornographic, of young people lured into compromising photos and videos. According to this special task force of the police department there are over 750,000 predators surfing the web in the various media sources.

The reason I wrote this was to just say that if you have children or know any young people, that perhaps it is a good idea to talk to them and monitor the information they provide to others on the computer.

My grandchildren are all young adults now, and so not quite so vulnerable but in any case I think I’ll have a conversation or two about the number of  ‘friends’ they have on Facebook!

Through the Eyes of A Child

Rylee Feb. 12, 2014I saw this picture today of my great-granddaughter and immediately I looked at her eyes and saw such innocence. Then I thought about the children that lose that innocence through abuse of adults who take advantage of them. I wonder what I would do if I found out that someone….anyone, ever did that to my precious great- granddaughter. Yet there are many, even those who I blog with who suffered such abuse from their parent or somebody else. They are trying to and ‘are’ healing through the grace of God but the scars remain, and rear their ugly head from time to time.

We all must be so vigilant in protecting children, whether they be family or neighbors or any child at all, and keep watch over them.  If something does not seem to be as it should be, we need to be that child’s advocate and not be afraid to do so, in case we are wrong. It is much better to be wrong, than to do nothing in case we are right………

Through the eyes of a child

The world is many things

We hope it’s joy it brings

Dolls and trucks to play

And oh so much to say

They have such innocence

No one should ever take

Or cause tears or ever make

That child to ever think

The world a scary place

It is such a disgrace

To take that innocence away

Oh God we need to love

Protect and guide the little child

Never never to defile

We need to be alert

Make sure and be aware

That all around do care

The child must always know

Where they can always go

If help they ever need

To tell someone they must

Someone that they can trust

Let that someone be ‘me’

The Sum Total Equals Who We Are

I have wondered lately more-so than usual, what makes me the way I am. I know that we are the sum total of our experiences in our childhood and our adulthood, however what gives us our predominant personalities?

I have always believed that I emanated my mother and yet she ‘seemed’ was much stronger than I. She was able to raise ten children, work when necessary to help support them, and had a strength that was beyond what I could imagine. She loved each child as though they were the only child, inasmuch as each felt special for who they were, and not compared to the others. I was the last of the ten and regardless of the somewhat dysfunction during the years I was growing up,  I believe I thrived because of her love and devotion.

My father lived in the home until shortly before I was born, but he was not really part of the family, because he chose not to be. He had an addiction to alcohol, among other issues, and should not have been a father, but in those years (1920-1940′s +) circumstances were different. Once you were married you stayed married regardless of difficulties and just went about your life. It was only when it became apparent that there were physical abuses beginning, that he was not allowed back in the home. So he was not part of my life at all.

I sometimes wonder how many times my mother secretly thought that she couldn’t go on. I only wonder, because it was never evident that she felt that way. I’m not saying that she didn’t ever have difficulties, only that I didn’t witness them until later in my life. Because she was so strong, I think I have gauged my life against hers’ and believed that I have fallen short.

I do have an outlook on life and family that she had, in that her family was the most important thing to her, and she was like a mother bear, always looking out for us whether we were two years old or thirty-two. She seemed to always be able to sort things out for her children, and between her children, regardless of their ages. She was respected by them all.

So here I sit, thinking about her and how she would have handled the situation that has happened within our family, and wonder how I might have done or said things differently that would have resulted in a better outcome.

I know, we should not second-guess ourselves and we should not compare ourselves with others. I only sit here and wonder. It is a new year and it sometimes causes thoughts to drift to the year (s) previously, and think about the year (s) facing us. Nothing can change or alter the past but we can choose how to face the future. I can’t control the future, but I can control my attitude toward it.

I will be honest and say that while I want to believe it will be optimistically, because that is my intention, it is not guaranteed that it will be without problems. And I do not always feel optimistic.

And so I sit here and think, ‘what would my Mother do or think, just about now?’

DP Challenge – Show and Tell – A Message to Children

Prompt: You’ve been asked to do a five-minute presentation to a group of young schoolchildren on the topic of your choice. Describe your presentation.

If I had a chance to speak to young schoolchildren on a specific topic I would choose ‘kindness’.

I chose this instead of the extension of kindness, ‘compassion’ because I thought that they would understand that word better. This is what I would say.

“Today I would like to speak to you on the topic of being ‘kind’ to others. I’m sure your parents and others that care for you have taught you about being kind but I’d like to give you some examples of when that might be very important to do.

The place to start being kind is of course where you live and to the people who also are in the home. It might be your parents. Sometimes it is easy to think of your parents as pretty well, the ones who look after you and give you a home, food to eat, clothes to wear, who take you where your need to go and the ones who protect you and care for you when you are sick. What you might forget is that they need you to be kind to them and that might be shown in how you cooperate with them when they ask you to do something without giving them trouble or arguing that you don’t really want to do it. An example of this might be cleaning your bedroom, or picking up your toys in the living room, or even to go and wash your hands for dinner. You would make them so happy if you could do these types of things willingly. This is being kind to them.

Another example of who you might be kind to are perhaps older people such as your grandparents or other people that you know, perhaps a neighbor. When a person gets older sometimes they get lonely because they don’t have a lot of visitors or people to make them feel important still. By talking with them and even perhaps taking some flowers from your garden, with permission from your parents of course, or maybe some cookies, would I believe bring some joy and happiness into their lives.

One more example of the importance of being kind, is to your friends but even more importantly maybe someone who is not your friend because they don’t make friends easily. Perhaps they are very shy, or perhaps they are different in some way so that some children don’t make friends with them. It may be that they don’t dress like everyone else, or they don’t speak like you do or maybe they are a different size than most children your age. They most especially need someone like you to be kind to them and to invite them to play with you and to have fun just like everyone else.

If we all showed ‘kindness’ to each other then we wouldn’t have a problem with ‘bullying’ and I think most of you know what that is. That’s when some children pick on others because of the reasons I spoke of because they are different maybe in some way.

So today, maybe you could think of this special word ‘kindness’ and look for people and ways that you could show it to.”


Motherhood. Mental Illness. Out Loud.


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